


I've Got Your Number

by minervamason



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Journalism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, there is very little journalism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-07-27 17:38:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minervamason/pseuds/minervamason
Summary: When Lexa receives a message in the middle of the night, she expects everything but a private request from one of her employees. Her surprise turns into jealousy when she realizes that, in fact, the message was not meant for her.Clarke finally finds the courage to ask her charming colleague to go out with her, but things do not go as planned. Or maybe they do, too much.It's just a coincidence that can turn into a huge problem and, of course, it's all Raven's fault.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first long story in english, so I'm sorry in advance for my mistakes. Also I know almost nothing about journalism, don't ask me why I choose this setting. This is pure trash, just because I liked the idea of the "I got the wrong number" trope. Comments, ideas, and suggestions are very welcome! You can also find me on tumblr as minervamason.

“I can’t believe I have to write this again. For the third time.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes, trying really hard to find a reason not to give her job up for the hundredth time that week.

 

“The Commander sent back the article again?” Raven laughed at her, rolling her eyes “That bloody woman is never happy. Last week she said my article about aerospace engineering innovation was sloppy. Sloppy! I almost graduated in that, I know it better than her for sure…”

 

They were in their office, if two desks in the middle of the corridor right in front of your boss real big office were enough to qualify as that. It had been the laziest friday afternoon in history since Clarke had finished her article for the weekly insert of their newspaper earlier that morning, until the last mail from her boss had arrived.

 

“She’s so infuriating. Last time it was the thesis that was wrong, now _-Your work could be more understandable if your vocabulary was wider. It seems like you keep repeating yourself, I suggest the use of a dictionary-._ A fucking dictionary? I’m going to quit.”

 

Clarke almost got up from her chair before Raven started to tell her what they always repeated to each others during hard times “Clarke, there are only six months left. And then…” “Then everyone is going to want us in their editorial board. I know, I know. Sometimes I think it’s not worth it.”

She moved her blonde hair to the side, looking again at her article about the low budget the city of Polis decided to spend for their public care that year. It was good, she knew that. But her boss, the chief editor Lexa Woods seemed to disagree, as she did for every article she presented to her.

 

When she started the job Clarke only had one thing in mind: she wanted to be a famous reporter. National Geographic kind of famous. She wanted to travel the world and write about it. But of course it wasn’t easy, and she was fresh from college, with an esorbitable amount of debts to pay, so she had to find a job.

 

It was Raven’s idea to find a job in Polis Today, because, as she promised her, anyone that could resist a year with a boss like the Commander could easily find the job of their dreams after it. And Clarke could see why. Editorially speaking, Lexa Woods was a genius. She was still young, maybe nine or ten years older than Clarke, but some of her political inquiries forced more than one politician to resign, and she was well-known for her expertise in the journalistic sector.

 

But personally, and Clarke hated to say that, because her boss was like, super hot, as Raven described her more than once, Lexa Woods was a total bitch. Not that she knew her so well, but they way she wrote those bloody notes on her work was enough for her. Or the fact she made five interns quit since the beginning of the year, all of them in tears.

 

She and Raven were the last ones standing, still trying to reach the impossible standards of perfection that Lexa Woods seemed to have imposed on all of her employees.

 

“Earth to Clarke… Are you here?” Raven snapped her fingers in front of her a couple of times, and Clarke smiled “I’m here. And I’m going to rewrite this. Again. And while I do that I’m going to think about six months from now, when we’ll get so wasted after quitting this job that I won’t remember any of it.”

 

“Sounds like a plan. But maybe you’ll want to remember that…” Raven pointed at something behind her, and Clarke turned her head just in time to see Niylah, the cute editor that always smiled at her. The girl blushed when she looked at her in the eyes, and quickly walked away.

 

It was not the first time that Clarke noticed Niylah's gaze on her, and they had already established this routine for a while. Clarke responded to her gaze and Niylah vanished, as if an arrow had struck her.

 

Clarke had to admit that she felt flattered by those attentions, especially since Niylah was the kind of girl she had always found attractive: she was tall and elegant, with that intellectual spark in her that Clarke found terribly fascinating. Not to mention the model-like body.

 

Too bad Niylah was apparently too shy to make the first move and Clarke, unfortunately, was too busy with work to start anything else. Again, the Commander’s fault.

 

“You should ask her out. She’s been heart-eyeing you since we arrived!” Clarke looked a little conflicted “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Relationships at work…” Raven rolled her eyes “You don’t have to marry her Clarke, just ask her out. It could be fun!” Clarke pondered the idea with a smile; it had been a while since her last date “I’ll think about it.”

 

“Good to know you girls are having a nice time. Maybe you could put whatever you’re talking about on your next article Reyes, it would make it slightly more interesting than your last one.”

 

They both jumped on their seats hearing the voice of their boss, and Clarke looked at her computer, trying to avoid the deep green eyes that were looking directly at her “And you Griffin, I thought you had an article to rewrite.”

 

The Commander herself had appeared behind them, the expression slightly annoyed by their behavior that matched perfectly with the hasty ways and the appearance of one who does not have a minute to lose in pleasantries. If her appearance was the one of a princess, with those huge green eyes and brown curls, her character had nothing to envy to that of a dictator.

 

“Yes Miss Woods, I’m on it.” Lexa eyes lingered on her for another second before turning again toward Raven “Reyes, I need you to call me as soon as you get the statistics from Nasa. I’ll text you my personal number, and call me immediately, it doesn’t matter the time.”

 

“Sure Miss Woods.” Lexa closed her jaws, highlighting the perfect sharp lines of her face that Clarke found, with much shame, terribly sexy. She walked away then, and Raven looked at her again “Of course she wants me to call her at any hour, the woman has no life.”

 

Clarke looked back at her computer, slightly nauseous at the idea of writing her work again. “Thank God it's friday.”

  
  
  
  
*****

 

 

That evening, after a beer and four shots, Clarke was feeling definitely better. “Girlsss your boss sounds so terrible” Octavia, their college friend that luckily for her had found a job for a fashion magazine, far away from their own personal hell, was still laughing about the stories Raven told her. Clarke couldn’t help but feel happy: her work might be terrible, but her friends knew how to make it all better.

 

They were in their usual friday bar, not too far from work yet not too close to risk meeting any of their colleagues. not that they didn’t like them all, but a change of scenery was always a good thing after a week of work.

 

“Also O, Clarke is going to ask a girl out!” “Whattttt? Clarke this is great news! Who is she?”

“She’s a girl that works with us. And I’m not going to ask her out! She runs away everytime she sees me.”

 

Raven smiled “C’mon, she’s kind of cute.” “She is, but how am I supposed to ask her out if she literally runs away from me?”

 

Raven, that, if Clarke recalled, had drunk far more than her, looked at her like she just had the best idea of the century “You could text her! Murphy sent me her number the other day because I had to ask her something for my article.”

 

Clarke stilled for a moment, pondering the idea; it wasn’t ideal to ask a colleague out, but on the other side, with her new job, Clarke hadn’t go on a date for ages “I’m pretty drunk Raven, I’m not sure I’m supposed to make choices I could regret now.”

 

Raven took out her phone “It’s the perfect time! Here let me tell you the number, it’s in one of my last messages…”

 

Clarke wrote the number down on her phone, saving it just as “Niylah” because she couldn’t recall the girl last name, but still, she seemed unable to find the courage to do it.

 

“C’mon Griffin, at least try!”

 

“Oh fuck it!” Clarke took another shot before starting typing on her phone, trying her best not to write any absurdity.

 

*****

 

Lexa woke up from her light sleep after her phone signaled her a new message. She pondered to let it go, because damn, it must have been two in the morning and she already stayed late at the office (too late, as usual). But then she thought about Reyes and that important deal for her article, and she reached for her phone in the dark.

 

**Hey, this is Clarke. Sorry to bother you this late, but well...booze finally gave me the courage to do what I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me.**

 

Lexa was suddenly incredibly awake. She read the message four time before actually sitting up on the bed and turn on the light; what the hell was that?

 

_Who are you?_

 

It was probably a mistake to reply, but Lexa was a little more than pissed of for being waked up in the middle of the night.

 

**Clarke Griffin, from work? Wow I thought... Well I saw the way you were looking at me and I thought… that you were interested.**

 

Lexa’s blood froze in her veins. Clarke Griffin? The talented but stubborn journalist that she scolded this morning was asking her out on a date? The way she was looking… How did she looked at her? Of course, the girl was pretty. More than pretty, if Lexa wanted to be honest with herself, and she had looked at her sometimes for… non professional reasons, but Lexa was always very subtle, she was sure of that.

 

She went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water, pondering what to reply the girl. She was shocked that Clarke actually thought to ask her on a date, she was her boss! Also with a message, that was like… so millennial. But she felt also kind of… flattered.

 

Clarke was indeed a beautiful woman, and Lexa hadn’t exactly been nice to her. She couldn't afford to be nice with her employees, so she was actually very surprised Clarke wrote to ask her…

 

**Niylah I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to make it awkward. I thought you were just shy and I wanted to take the first step to make you feel more comfortable, so I asked Raven your number… Just pretend it never happened!**

 

Lexa stilled for a moment. Niylah? Niylah the editor? Niylah that was actually so afraid of her Lexa saw her basically only at the christmas parties? Reyes… Lexa’s mind united the dots: she did give to Raven her private number. It must have been a mistake. Or a prank at Griffin’s expense, or at hers. She had to reply and stop this nonsense, telling Clarke to stop texting her and delete her number forever.

 

She was about to type the message when she realised she was indeed a little pissed off. But not for the prank. Was she really happy when she thought Clarke was asking her out on a date? And what she felt now, could it be jealousy?

 

And maybe it was that feeling oppressing her chest, or the fact it was night and she was completely tired, or maybe that she had felt so lonely lately she actually adopted a cat, which was in that moment looking at her from the counter with a judging look on his face, but Lexa did exactly the opposite of what she should have done.

 

_No Clarke, it’s fine, you are right. But I have to think about it, can I text you tomorrow?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> First of all thanks for all the kudos and the nice comments, I really appreciate it! I would like to say a few words on this story, because I'm aware that not everything that is happening and is going to happen in it is totally ethical. There is still going to be a few chapters of "morally gray" area, so if you are totally against this kind of things I'm sorry but maybe this is not the story for you. But I also want to add that this won't last for the entire story, so maybe bear with me. Also, I'll try to update once a week! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, see you next time!

“You did what Lexa?? Oh my God this is hilarious.” Anya almost choked on her own laughs, but Lexa didn’t find it funny at all “It was three in the morning, I was confused. But now I’m going to call her and explain everything.”

 

The morning after, and Lexa should have known it by now, was always bringer of regrets. She was in her kitchen, in the exact same spot where the night before she had replied to Clarke, carrying forward that absurd series of coincidences that had lead to one of her employees asking her out.  As it wasn’t bad enough, that morning her sister had presented herself to her door for their usual saturday breakfast, not wasting any minutes to make fun of her absurd situation. 

 

Anya shook her head “Hi Clarke, it’s your uptight annoying boss speaking. You kind of asked me out by mistake yesterday evening and I kind of played along because I was jealous of the girl you actually wanted to ask out and oh, did you finish your report yet? Have a nice day… I’m sure Clarke is going to be thrilled.”

 

Lexa sipped her coffee, trying too hard not to seem bothered by the whole situation. She was never going to actually say it out loud, but her half sister was right: it would be a disaster. “I’m not that annoying.” Anya laughed again “We both know you are a terrible boss. You are incredibly good at what you do… but well we could say the same about Satan, can’t we?”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes “Stop joking. I need to figure a way out of this. Without being sued by the human resources preferably.”

 

“Just tell her Lexa! Explain it was a mistake and that you didn’t said anything yesterday because she was clearly drunk and you didn’t want to talk with her in that state. She’ll understand and it’ll be super awkward for a couple of weeks but then it’ll pass. You told me yourself she doesn’t seem very taken by the job anyway. I don’t even think she cares so much about this Myla too, I mean a text for a date when you work together? Who does that?” 

 

“It’s Niylah. And at her defense, she is indeed pretty shy. I think she’s scared of me.”

“Who isn’t?” 

Lexa laughed at that “You. And I find you pretty annoying for it.”

“That’s because I’m your big sis. And exactly because I am older than you, you should listen to me. Don’t mess things up more than they already are, this is going to blow up on its own.”

 

And Lexa really tried. She pondered the whole morning on what she should have said to Clarke, to use words that were clear but not too unkind, wondering if a phone call was a better way to get rid of all of this faster, but another message arrived before she could do anything.

 

**Hey.**

**I’m sorry again for last night, I was pretty drunk. The truth is I really think you are a beautiful and interesting girl and I just want to know you better. But I also want you to know that it’s totally fine if you don’t want to do it and like… Not talk to me ever again. Have a nice weekend.**

 

Lexa smiled. This was the right moment. She’d just tell her it was all a big mistake and to not worry about that so much.She was just about to type the reply when another message arrived.

 

**Also, I’m pretty sure the Commander would freak out and demand our heads if she’ll ever find out two of her employees are dating.**

 

Lexa stilled at that, eyebrows froning

 

_ The Commander? _

 

**Miss Woods? I thought everyone called her that in the office!**

 

_ Really? And why that name? _

 

**Well… Because she’s like, always so bossy. And not nice at all. Like a dictator or something like that. I’m pretty sure I’ve never saw her with an expression that wasn’t her resting bitch face on.**

 

Lexa closed her phone at that. The sentiments of empathy she had felt earlier for Clarke were completely gone, substituted by something resembling rage. How dare that newby talk about her that way? Her hands started typing a response before she could even think about it

 

_ Well maybe if someone actually know how to do their job, she wouldn't be so mad all the time, trying to fix everyone mistakes so everyone could actually keep their job. _

 

_ And maybe she’s like this because she actually cares about her newspaper and she’s not just working here to pass time like other people are. _

 

**Wow, I never thought you liked her. You always look like you’re going to faint every time she’s in the same room with you.**

 

Damn, she made a mistake. But she wasn’t going to let Clarke insult her without replying.

 

**Look don’t get me wrong, she’s a genius. I wrote my thesis about one of her article, she’s… she’s amazing. Her work is. But I really don’t think she’s good with people, that’s all.**

 

Some of Lexa’s rage disappear then; she remembered Clarke‘s thesis, it was actually the reason she hired her in the first place.There was a voice in her head, resembling Anya’s that was telling her to end this and just tell Clarke she was indeed speaking to her boss.

 

**But also I’m stuck at home the whole weekend to rewrite that bloody article, so she can kind of go screw herself. #sorrynotsorry**

 

Lexa’s blood boiled in her veins. Maybe she wasn’t going to end this so soon after all.

 

*****

 

 

“Oh my God Raven!!! She said yes!”

 

Raven looked at her from the couch, where she had collapsed last night after too many shots “Who? And stop screaming, I'm begging you.”

 

“Niylah! Look” Clarke gave her the phone and Raven tried to adjust her eyes to the new light.

 

_ I thought about it Clarke, and I actually want to get to know you better. But well you know I’m a little shy so would you mind if we just text for a while? It would really help me with my shyness.  _

 

_ Also let’s not talk about it at work, like this the Commander is not going to find it out so soon, lol. _

 

“Who still writes lol in a text? Is this 2005?”

“Oh shut up Raven! She looks nice, and she has very strong opinions about our workplace which I totally didn’t see coming. I’m glad I’ll get to know her better.”

“But she doesn’t want to talk with you? Isn’t it a little weird?”

“You put me into this Raven! And I kind of like to talk with someone that isn’t you or O for a change.”

Raven looked outraged at that, but Clarke was too occupied replying Niylah for noticing.

 

*****

 

They had been texting the whole weekend and Clarke felt lighter than ever when she arrived at her work on monday. She even had the time to finish her article, and this time she was sure even Lexa Woods was going to love it. Well, at least that she was going to accept it.

 

Niylah actually gave her some really good tips when she showed her the first draft, and Clarke was glad she offered to help in the first place. Niylah was actually way more expert about journalism than Clarke had expected for an editor, and way more funny that she first thought.

 

She looked again at her phone, smiling a little for the first message she had found on her phone that morning.

 

_ Have a nice day at work Clarke. _

 

“No phone at work miss Griffin.” she looked up just to met Lexa’s green gaze on her “I’m sorry miss Woods. I have a new copy of the article for you if you…”

“Oh no, I forgot to advise you.” Lexa smiled “I don’t need that anymore. I think the public is going to find Reyes’s more interesting. Maybe for the next number.”

 

Clarke looked at her for some seconds before realizing her words. She had lost weeks for that bloody article, and now, it was all for nothing “Miss Woods, I…”

“Next time try to make it good at the first time, Clarke.”

She looked at her in the eyes then, and Clarke realised it was the first time she actually called her by her name, and that was maybe the only thing that prevent Clarke to slap her right in the face to make that smug expression disappear.

 

Lexa went away without a goodbye and Clarke felt all the lightness and happiness she had felt before disappear from her. She sat down her chair, looking at the emptiness before her. 

“Clarke, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think she liked my article.”

 

Clarke didn’t reply, too sad to actually bother.

 

*****

 

Lexa sat down in her office, actually pleased with herself; if Clarke was going to think bad about her, she was going to give her a reason for it. There was a part in her mind that actually felt guilty for behaving like a child, but the more she thought about the words Clarke had said to her on the phone, the more she convinced herself a little punishment was exactly what Clarke needed.

 

She was going to call Clarke in her office later that day and explain to her what had happened and why she actually behave like she did. If Clarke was so naive she thought six months of work were enough to understand the sacrifice and the hard works behind a newspaper such as hers, Lexa was going to teach her a good lesson. 

 

She started working at the new weekly edition of the journal, and when her phone vibrated in her pocket she tried to ignore it. She was not going to text Clarke during work, it would have been inadmissible.  But there was two vibration, and then three, and Lexa found herself looking at the screen before she could stop herself.

 

**She’s such a bitch. She didn’t even look at it.**

 

**You should have seen her face. Her fucking face with that “I’m so pleased with myself” smile.**

 

**God I worked so hard on this, she could have at least looked at it. Or vaguely tried to show she gives a fuck about my work.**

 

Lexa felt a sting of remorse at that. She did care about Clarke’s work, or she wouldn’t have hired her. And the article, well, it was not so bad. It was acceptable even in the first draft, but Lexa never accepted a work immediately, it was kind of her policy.

 

But, the thing that actually hit her, maybe for the first time since this whole charade had started, was that Clarke actually seemed to care about her work. It wasn’t the first time Lexa had interns, she knew very well the drill: they were all young and they all thought their work was perfect, and they worked there for a year or so just to gave themself some curriculum. That was one of the main reason she hadn’t really taken the whole article situation with Clarke so seriously; from the other girl behaviour it seemed like she didn’t care at all about her job there.  

 

_ Wow, I’m so sorry Clarke. Did you asked her to read it? _

 

**Well… no. But she already had her mind settled. She could have at least tried to tell me what was wrong about it. I’m never going to learn from my mistakes this way.**

 

Lexa was about to reply, but she realised there was more than a little truth in Clarke’s words. She wasn’t really the type of person that gave explanations for her behaviour, but in this case maybe she should have done it. She looked at her almost empty office, realizing she really did behave like a bad boss that morning. She realized it actually bothered her that she cared so much about it. She put away her phone, trying, with bad results, to focus on her work.

 

It had been half an hour before her resolution to work without interruptions started to crumble, and she walked out of her office, determined to explain everything to Clarke. She was taken aback when, arrived at Clarke’s desk, she only found Raven typing at her computer, that raised her eyes when she arrived.

 

“Yes Miss Woods?”

“Where is Griffin? I need to talk to her.” 

Raven’s look turned a little irritated when she mentioned Clarke “She wasn’t feeling well. She went home.”

Lexa cursed herself for her bad luck and lack of timing.

“Alright. Tell her that I hope she’ll get better soon.”

Raven’s eyes light up with surprise at that sentence, but Lexa didn’t give her the time to reply, returning to her office with a disappointed look on her face. 

 

*****

 

Clarke sipped her hot tea, looking at the lights of the city in front of her. It had been a terrible day, with Lexa refusing to use her article and Niylah ignoring her messages. After she had left work that morning, the girl had stop replying her.

 

Maybe she was too sad and boring for her, she thought, sinking more and more into the couch. She was in her “bad day” uniform, with an old and soft pyjama with kittens on it and her extremely warm and embarrassing unicorn slippers that her father had given her for her fourteenth birthday. Those stupid slippers always made her feel better.

 

There was a knock at the door and Clarke snorted; Raven said she was going to stop by if she had time after finishing her article, but Clarke wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. It was one of those moments in life she just wanted to drown in self loathing and chai tea.

 

“Raven, I told you, I just want to be alone.”

 

When Clarke opened the door, she realised too late her mistake. It wasn’t Raven, as expected, but Lexa Woods herself, who was in that moment looking at her slippers and evidently trying to suffocate a laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

“Good evening Clarke, I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

Clarke felt like her face was on fire, and she tried extremely hard not to stutter.                                                             

“How do you know where I live?” Lexa shrugged

“You became a subscriber when you started working for the newspaper… I have all my employee addresses.” Clarke’s mind was frantically trying to find a way to hide more kittens on her pajama that she could, with poor results. 

“That makes you sound a little like a stalker.”

 

 

Lexa sigh at that “Look Clarke, I’m sorry to bother you now, but I realised I made a mistake. I want to use your article.” Clarke’s heart almost made a somersault at those words “But… they must be already printing tomorrow's newspapers.” “I asked them to wait, the pros of being chief. But we need to hurry and I wanted to fix some things with you. That’s why I’m here now.”

 

 

Clarke looked at her in silence for a few seconds, actually wondering if this was something Lexa Woods did often with her employees. “So, can I come in Clarke? We don’t have much time… Of course if you want I can told them to print everything without your…” “No, no, please come in.”

 

 

Clarke moved from the door and Lexa entered her little and chaotic apartment. “I’m sorry for the mess, I wasn’t expecting anyone.” Lexa looked at her attire with a smile, probably the first real smile that Clarke had ever seen from her  “I can see. Lovely slippers by the way.” Clarke tried in vain not to blush. That was going to be a long night.

 

*****

 

“Okay, I think it’s good now.” Lexa sent the article and stretched her neck, closing her eyes. She felt terribly tired. It was hard to be so close to Clarke without thinking about what she said about her, about the messages and the deception she was perpetrating with her.

 

 

She could sense Clarke’s agitation form the moment she entered her apartment, and she could frankly say she was tensed too. It wasn’t usual for her to be in this kind of situation, but the thought of being so unfair to Clarke had tormented her the whole day.

 

 

There was also the other thing, aka the confession she had delayed the whole day. She knew the whole situation was kind of weird, her being at Clarke’s house, but it was also the best way to tell her without being interrupted, giving Clarke the right time to think about it and hopefully not bash her in the head with one of her fluffy slipper.

 

 

“Thank you, for helping me.” Lexa’s eyes found Clarke’s, and she could tell she was completely honest in that moment “And for giving the article another chance.” Lexa shrugged “I realised I was mean to you this morning. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

 

 

Clarke smiled at that, and Lexa couldn’t help but notice how her whole face lightened up with that simple gesture; she was seeing her in a way she never allowed herself to see before. “Is this your way of apologising Miss Woods?”

 

 

Lexa was taken aback from that “I don’t apologise with my employees, but you can take it as such if it makes you feel better. And you can call me Lexa.” She realised she actually said that out loud, and she immediately regretted it: it was really too friendly “When we are not in the office, of course.” Clarke nodded, but Lexa could see the smile hidden behind that gesture “So, _Lexa_ , can I offer you anything to repay your kindness?”

 

 

Lexa actually pondered whether to stay a little more, just to enjoy Clarke’s company, but she was terribly aware of the thin ice she was walking on. She felt at ease with Clarke around, and it was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time. And while a part of her was screaming in her mind that all of that was wrong and dangerous, she was more and more aware of another voice, smaller but getting stronger minute by minute that was telling her to just roll with her feelings.

 

 

“I’m sorry Clarke, but it’s pretty late, and I still have some work to finish. I should be going.” Lexa seemed to notice a little note of disappointment in Clarke’s face, but if it was actually real or the fruit of Lexa’s mind, she couldn’t tell, because it was immediately gone.

“Do you never stop?”

 

Lexa made a tiny smile “Can’t afford that.” She collected her laptop and walked to the door, hearing Clarke’s small steps behind her. It was now or never. “Clarke I need to te…”

“Do you actually think my article was good or you came here just because you felt bad?”

 

 

Lexa stopped in her steps, turning around to look at Clarke’s face, wondering for how long the girl had been trying to find the courage to ask that question. She put aside her confession for a moment, trying to find the best word to reply to Clarke’s question.

“Clarke, do you really think I would put in my newspaper something terrible just because I feel bad?”

 

 

Clarke shake her head, lowering her eyes. “I think you have a lot of potential Clarke. But I can see your biggest problem even here, right now. You don’t really believe you are good.” The girl looked at her then, surprised “And it shows in your works. The article we looked over tonight for example. It was technically perfect, I could have taken it on the first draft. The problem was your argumentation. It was like you didn’t really believe in it. How can the readers believe in what you write if you don’t?”

 

 

Lexa smiled then “It’s a problem a lot of newbies have, but I’m not here to hold your hand and tell you you’re good everytime you need it. Journalists must see what they want really cleary in their mind, so others can understand it without any doubts. But I should have told you before instead of being mean.”

 

 

“Thank you Lexa. I… I’ll do my best to improve. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 

Lexa hold her breath. The moment was gone. She just nodded “Goodnight Clarke.”

 

*****

 

**You’ll never believe who just showed up at my doorstep! I still don’t believe it!**

 

_Who?_

 

**Lexa freaking Woods. She said she wanted to help me with my article. We worked together on it for like two hours and she said she’s going to publish it!**

 

_Wow! And was she...nice?_

 

**She actually was. I was shocked. I believed she was some kind of robot with no feelings, but apparently I was wrong.**

 

Well, that hurt a little. Lexa looked at her phone while Gustus, her slightly fat red cat tried to stole her attention away from it. “Can you believe it Gus? Me, a robot without feeling…” the cat looked at her like he was kind of agreeing with Clarke. “Hey, I don’t need your judgment too. I’ll give you some food later.”

 

 

She had really wanted to tell Clarke the truth, and she had considered to spill everything right after their conversation at the door, but Clarke seemed so happy after Lexa told her she was, in fact, good at writing articles. Her confession at that moment would’ve compromised not only the words she had just told her, which she seriously meant, but also her confidence in her ability and Lexa couldn’t afford that.

 

 

She had thought about stop replying to her then, she had tried and he did before, but that seemed impossible too. It was so nice talking to Clarke and she was genuinely curious about what Clarke was thinking about her right now.

 

 

**Anyway it  helped me a lot. That woman really has her way with words.**

 

_Should I be jealous?_

 

Lexa immediately regretted that, but it was too late. That was going to make things more complicated for her. At the same time she was curious, what was Clarke going to reply?

 

**Hahaha, you’re funny.**

 

**Well I have to admit she’s kinda hot with all that bossy attitude.**

 

**And she does have legs for days.**

 

**And her eyes are indeed astonishing green.**

 

**Okay maybe you should be a little jealous.**

 

Lexa didn’t really expect such a detailed answer, and she uncomfortably felt her heart beat a little faster than usual. It was like being a teenager again, only that she probably had more restrain as a teen than right now, in her late twenty. What was Clarke doing to her?

 

**I’m joking. Even if now I know she’s actually a person, I don’t think I could ever be with someone so cold.**

 

And that was it, she thought. It wasn’t like a good gesture could made up for months of her being… her. She had always problem with that, letting people get close to her, make friends. She had always been a solitary, too focused on her studies, on her work… Even her previous relationship had her feeling like she wasn’t one hundred percent into it, like there was something in her that was just wrong. Maybe she wasn’t made for social interaction, it didn’t matter how much her heart craved one.

 

**But she did make me realise something. She said I don’t really believe in my work, and I’m afraid it’s true.**

 

_And why is it?_

 

_I mean, you are really talented._

 

**Did you read my articles?**

 

Damn, Lexa wasn’t as careful with all this as she was supposed to be.

 

_Well yes. I do read the newspaper I work for._

 

She put a couple of random emoji, trying to appear as casual as she could.

 

**You really don’t know how to use emoji, I’ll have to teach you.**

 

**Anyway, I think my problems start with my mom. She wasn’t really into my career choice. She wanted me to be a doctor, like her.**

 

_Oh, I’m sorry. It must be hard. But she will come around when she’ll see your career. I mean, Polis Today is a pretty famous newspaper, she must be proud of you._

 

**She actually doesn’t know where I’m working right now. We don’t talk much anymore. And well, I like working here, but I’m just waiting for this year to be over so I can try to apply for a report job. I want to travel.**

 

Lexa kind of saw this coming. It had been clear since the beginning both Clarke and her friend Reyes weren’t really into political journalism, but she had expected something more frivolous from Clarke. She felt bad again for just assuming things about her without actually asking.

 

_A on-the-scene reporter?_

 

**That would be the goal. And you? Always wanted to be an editor?**

 

That was a tricky question, what would boring Niylah reply to that? Probably the girl actually wanted to be an editor her whole life, but Lexa couldn’t help but write something for her; she wanted Clarke to get to know her, not Niylah.

 

_Actually, I always wanted a career in politics. This is supposed to be my springboard._

 

**Now, that’s something a mother would be proud of. I bet yours is over the moon.**

 

_Wouldn’t know. I never met her._

 

Lexa stopped at that, surprised by her own admission. She had never liked to talk about her family, but again, there was something about Clarke that seemed to make her lose all her defenses.

 

**Niylah, I’m so sorry. Like always I’m as delicate as a elephant in a glassware. We can change subject.**

 

_Don’t worry, but there isn’t much to say. I do have a foster sister, she’s kind of a pain in the ass. But she does say she’s proud of me, occasionally._

 

**I’m glad you have someone to rely on.**

 

_And do you?_

 

_Do you have someone to rely on?_

 

**I have my friends, Raven, you must know her from the office, and Octavia, my oldest friend. But apart from that not really.**

 

Lexa noticed how Clarke was still tipying for a few minutes after that, and she waited to reply.

 

**I used to have my dad.**

**But I really don’t want to talk about him right now.**

 

_You don’t have to. Thank you for telling me that though._

 

**You are so nice… Are you sure I can’t offer you a coffee tomorrow morning? I’d really like to talk with you.**

 

_Soon, I promise._

 

_Sorry, I really need to go to bed now, I’m super tired. Goodnight Clarke._

 

**Old lady! Goodnight Niylah, xo.**

 

Lexa closed the phone and looked at the dark ceiling for a moment before closing her eyes. She was so screwed.

 

*****

 

Clarke wasn’t expecting much from Lexa the day after and yet, she was still disappointed. It wasn’t like they were friends now, but at least Clarke had hoped for a word of greeting, or something vaguely nice from her.

 

 

Instead, her boss was already in the office when she had arrived, and she had three new articles to write and a huge stack of paperwork to fill waiting for her on her desk. And if this was not enough, Raven was mad at her. “You text this girl for three days and she’s suddenly your new best friend?”

“Raven please, I told you first thing this morning.”

“Yeah but you told _her_ last night. You could have called.” She was still pouting and Clarke really didn’t have time for that.

“I just told her because we were talking about Lexa before. It wasn’t such a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? Jeez Clarke I think nobody has ever seen Miss Woods out of the office. We all suspected she just turns off after work like all the teachers from primary school. And you are at first name level with her? When is the marriage?”

 

 

Clarke snorted but couldn’t help a smile “You’re exaggerating. She was actually nice. I was thinking I could take her coffee later, to thank her.”

“So Niylah doesn’t want to take coffee with you and you fall back on the boss? Classy, Griffin, really classy.”

“That’s not true… I just wanted to thank her” she felt herself blushing before she could help it “I’m sorry that Niylah doesn’t want to talk with me yet, but I will respect her wishes.”

 

 

“As you want. But at least you’re going to tell me everything after your special coffee with the boss.”

 

*****

 

“Yes?”

 

“Good morning Miss Woods.” Lexa looked up from her desk to see Clarke smiling upon her, and the only thing that preserved her from smiling her back was the annoying presence of Anya right next to her. Clarke saw her too, and she stopped in her track “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you, I can come back later.”

 

 

“Don’t worry Clarke, it’s just my sister. She tends to show up in the most inappropriate moments.” With much discomfort, Lexa realised Anya hadn’t forgotten about their previous conversation about Clarke, seeing the way she was watching the girl “Oh, so this is the famous Clarke. I’ve heard so much about you!”

 

 

Clarke appeared surprised about that “Really?” “Of course!” Anya’s eyes passed over dramatically from her to Lexa “Lexa loves to talk about how talented you are.” Lexa coughed “I think it’s time for you to go Anya. We can see each others later for dinner…” then she whispered so only her sister could hear it “...or never.”

 

 

“Yes, I should probably going and leave you two at… whatever this is.” Lexa really hoped  Clarke wasn’t going to read anything into her sister words, even if she knew exactly what meaning she had put into them.

 

 

After her sister went out, Clarke gave her a tiny smile “Your sister looks… interesting.” Lexa smiled too “She’s terrible… but you know, family. What can I do for you Clarke? “Well I actually wanted to do something for you.” she gave her a coffee that was previously hiding behind her back “To thank you for yesterday. It’s not much but well… I’m pretty sure I got your favourite.”

 

 

Lexa looked at the black coffee, which was her favourite, to be honest, and smiled “And how did you know that?” Clarke shrugged “You kinda look like a no sugary things type.”

“Well, thank you Clarke.”

 

 

There was a silence between them then, and Lexa felt conflicted; she wanted to prolong the conversation a little more, but at the same time she knew that kind of confidence Clarke just had with her could be dangerous for both of them.

“I’m sorry, but I have to finish something.” she pointed at her computer, which was currently on a youtube video of fat cats that her sister just showed her.

 

 

“Yes, sure.” Clarke seemed taken aback then, and moved slowly towards the door, before stopping with her hand on the handle “I was wondering… Could we do it again?” Lexa stiffed, knowing exactly what Clarke meant “What?” “You helping me with my articles. I know you’re very busy but… It was the first time in my six months here that I finally got what you wanted from me. And your advice, the one you gave me before leaving. It’s true, I realised it the moment you said, but I needed someone to just say it to me.”

 

 

“Honestly Clarke, I didn’t know you cared so much about this job. I mean… I know the drill, it’s good for your cv and all, I had many interns before…”

“But I do care. I mean, this sector wasn’t my first choice, but I don’t see why doing a sloppy job when I could learn from the best.”

She blushed slightly at that, and Lexa found it way too cute for her own good. “I’m not saying I’m the same as you. But with your help a career in this field would be a possible prospective.”

 

  

“I thought you wanted to be a on-the-scene reporter.” Lexa realized too late, with extreme horror what she had just say. She hoped her face wasn’t giving too much away as her beating heart, that in that moment was beating so fast she couldn’t even hear her thoughts.

 

 

Clarke expression was suddenly confused “How do you know that? I’ve never told you.” Lexa choughed, trying to appear as casual as she could “Maybe it was written in your motivational letter? Or it must have been someone else, you know I saw many interns this year.”

 

 

She waited for some long, agonizing seconds. She wanted to tell Clarke, but not like this. Clarke’s expression was still weird, and Lexa thought that maybe this was exactly the right moment to tell the truth.  

 

 

Raven’s face appeared from the frame of the door, a worried expression on her face

“I’m so sorry to interrupt, but the NASA office finally called me back and they want to talk with you Miss Woods.”

 

 

Lexa paused for a second, her eyes meeting Clarke’s “Don’t worry Miss Woods, we’ll talk another time. It wasn’t important.”

 

It was indeed she thought, taking the call with a sigh.

 

*****

 

**Favourite animal?**

 

_Tiger. You?_

 

**Wolf. But I do also love dogs.**

 

_Damn, are you a dogs person?_

 

**Ahahah I’m kind of a all animals person. But you gave me a old cat lady vibes, I must have been right.**

 

_Favourite color?_

 

_Felines are the best, it’s just a fact, sorry._

 

**Green.**

 

**Craziest thing you’ve ever done?**

 

_Texting back to you :P_

 

_Joking, once my sister convinced me to try bungee jumping. I promised myself that if I didn’t die there, I would never trust her again._

 

_Did you have a nickname in college?_

 

 

**Ehm… Party animal works for a nickname?**

 

_Interesting… Maybe I should ask too what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done._

 

**Well after this week I would probably say asking the Commander to help me again with my articles. I thought her face was going to implode.**

 

_Oh… She took it so bad? You just asked._

 

**No well, she didn’t said anything offensive, out loud. But well I could see her gears turning in her brain.**

 

_Well, she was probably just trying to stay fair. It would be a little weird to give private class just to you. People could see something behind that._

 

**Well I suppose you’re right. It was stupid to ask, I just put her in a bad position.**

 

 _I_ _’m sure she’s fine. She was the one coming to your place, and that wasn’t professional at all._

 

**Someone sounds jealous… But why we always end up talking about her? Back to our question game… Can I have a picture of you?**

 

_I’m pretty sure that’s not how the question game works._

 

Lexa was drying her hair after a much needed shower after a terribly long flight. The call she had received two days ago turned out to be more worrying than she expected. She had been working with Reyes on this big project about a new type of drones that were going to be used on space missions, but possibly also into war zones, and now that the article was almost complete, they had decided they weren’t sure about going public with all this information. She had to fly to Florida to talk to the NASA PR himself to convince them it was actually a good idea.

 

 

She was now extremely behind with her work, not to mention she still hadn’t told Clarke what she was supposed to.

 

 

She looked at herself in the mirror, trying not to dwell too much on the dark circle under her eyes and the exhausted expression. Maybe if she had sent a picture to Clarke right now, not being the person she expected her to be was going to be the last of her problems. She took a picture of her cat instead, that in that moment was on the floor next to her, with his belly up, calling for cuddles.

 

_Does this work for you?_

 

**_Wow, you’re much more good looking than I remembered._ **

 

_Ah ah ah, funny. This is Gustus, and he’s going to eat my feet if I don’t feed him soon._

 

**You’re an old cat lady.**

 

_And I’m proud of that._

 

**Can I ask you a question?**

 

_Sure, go ahead_

 

**What do you like about me?**

 

**I mean… I know we didn’t talk much about this as a serious thing, but I’d like to know why you decided to reply my texts.**

 

Because I’m an idiot, Lexa thought closing her eyes. The whole situation had slipped from her hands in a way Lexa didn’t expected. She was always in control of the situation, she had to be. Instead right now she was behaving like a teenager at her first crush, and even worst, she was lying to the first girl she had been interested to in like, ages.

 

_I think you are an interesting person, I wanted to know you better_

 

**Oh, and are you liking what you see?**

 

_Well, you keep getting more and more interesting_

 

**You don’t like to get ahead of yourself, don’t you?**

 

_If I do, I think you might lose your interest in me_

 

 

**Oh, mystery girl. I like it.**

 

Lexa replied with a goodnight, too tired to keep going, knowing perfectly well she was going to lie still in her bed for hours before sleep could catch her.

 

*****

 

**I know we said to take it slow, but… I would really like to take you out on a date. You still don’t want to talk to me at work and I get it, but at least outside… It would make me super happy.**

 

 

Lexa looked for the hundredth time at her phone screen, ignoring what her sister was saying to her from the other end of the bar table. Anya decided it was time for her to have some social interaction, and that the bar at the corner close to her office was the perfect place for that.“So you’re going to forget for like… five seconds about that Clarke.” she had said, like if Lexa hadn’t talked about anything else for days. Well, maybe she had. But her dilemma was still there, and she couldn’t find out a way to end it without hurting Clarke.

 

 

She had spent the whole day looking for Clarke, trying to find a good moment to talk to her, but the girl had been busy in meetings , and Lexa kind of started thinking faith was against her in this one.

 

 

“Earth to Lexa, earth to Lexa… Are you even listening to me?

 

 

“No, sorry Anya… I was still thinking about…” “About Clarke, I know. Girl you have to make this right. If you really like this girl you need to do something. Just tell her! From what you told me she could be interested too.”

 

 

Lexa sipped her dark beer before replying “I’m pretty sure she won’t after I’ll tell her I’ve been catfishing her for a week.” “How on earth did you even know what that means?”

“I’ve been doing researches. There is also a show about that did you know?”

Anya rolled her eyes “Yes, like everyone else in the world except you. But don’t change the subject. This is getting ridiculous. There is never going to be a good time or a good way to tell her what you did. She is going to be mad. She is entitled to. And you know it.”

 

 

Lexa nodded before looking again at her phone “Maybe I should agree to this. And when she’ll see me at the date I’ll try to explain.”

 

 

Anya nodded “I still think you should do it right now, but that could work too.” Her phone ringed again, distracting her from the conversation.

 

 

**Well if you change your mind I’m at the Spaceship for a drink tonight**

 

 

“Oh my God.” “What? Did she dump you for not replying?” “Clarke is here!”

“Here… here?” “Here in the bar! I hate my life.” Anya looked around while Lexa tried to hide herself behind her beer, with little success “Oh yes, there she is. I have to admit it, she is indeed beautiful.”

 

 

At that, Lexa peaked into the dancefloor, finding easily Clarke with her friends in one corner. Clarke was even more spectacular than usual with high heels and a pink dress that Lexa found a weird yet excellent choice.

 

 

“But not as beautiful as the gorgeous lady behind her. Who’s that?” “Oh, that’s only Reyes, she works at the newspaper too.” “You need to tell me when you hire models… I might come for lunch more often.” “Anya can you please focus on the real problem here? Stop looking at them or they’re going to find us.”

“Well what if they do? Clarke doesn’t know you are her secret admirer… It could be fun.” “Don’t even think about it. Just stop. We’re going home and try to forget about this.”

 

 

**OMG you’re here too!**

 

 

“What?” Anya looked at the screen with her “She saw you?” Lexa exchanged a worried look with her sister “But it’s not me… It’s Niylah!” She just saw her entering the bar, laughing at something her friend said and, luckily for her, without noticing the smile and waving Clarke was launching in her direction.

 

 

**I’m coming over to say hi, you can’t stop me!**

 

 

Lexa watched with growing panic Clarke approaching Niylah’s group and she stood up, spilling some beer on the already dirty table “I have to stop her.”

Before Anya could say anything she was already gone, walking fast to avoid the talk that, she was sure of it, would have completely ruined every chance she had to make things right with Clarke. And she didn’t want that to happen.

 

 

Clarke was almost arrived close to Niylah’s group when Lexa catched her wrist, making her turn around. Surprised spread in her blue eyes while she focused her look on Lexa’s face. The music was louder there, and there was way too many people around them for Lexa’s taste, but it was becoming less and less important the more she looked in Clarke’s eyes.

 

 

“Miss Woods? What are you doing here?”

Lexa tried to keep it cool, smiling like it was just a casual meeting, but she could see Clarke looking behind her back with the corner of her eyes. She needed to find a way to keep Clarke’s attention away from Niylah.

 

 

“I… well I want to ask you for this dance.”  

That wasn’t a good idea. It was indeed a terrible idea, she realised, since her last dance went back to her high school ball and Clarke was now looking at her cleary thinking she was batshit crazy.

 

 

“You want to dance… with me? With this song?” the techno music, or noise, as Lexa would have called it, that was playing in that moment was suddenly replaced by a slower-still remixed- song and Lexa was sure she saw Anya handing some bills to the dj, noting to actually pay for all her drinks later.

 

 

Clarke face became even more confused, but her tone was nicer when she finally replied “I’m sorry Miss Woods, but I was waiting for someone and…” And maybe it was the alcohol or the fact that the people dancing around them made Clarke coming closer to her, but there was no hesitation in her this time when she move her hands from the girl’s wrist to her hand, bringing their faces closer “I told you it’s Lexa outside work” she said, hoping Clarke could hear her over the music. The slight dilatation of her pupils were enough for her to continue “Please Clarke…”

 

 

She didn’t say anything then, just nodding slightly following her to go further in the dancefloor, her eyes never leaving Lexa’s. The sudden relief for Clarke’s positive answer was blown away by the embarrassment of having to actually dance with the girl that had been haunting her thoughts for days. She didn’t know what to do, how to place her hands on the other girl body, if it was right to look at her with that kind of disbelievement in her eyes.

 

 

Clarke seemed to feel her doubt, because she put her arms around her neck and started moving at the rhythm of the song. It was hard to Lexa to formulate coerent thoughts in that moment, feeling the heat of Clarke’s body so close to her, but she tried. She tried hard not to let herself go in the moment, the sting of the sense of guilt that prevented her to enjoy the dance. She was dancing with the girl she had been lying to for a week. She was preventing her to be with the person she wanted to be. She was her boss, her guidance figure. All those thoughts were screaming in her head to let Clarke go, but nothing seemed to be strong enough for her to actually break the contact with her.

 

 

Finally, what made her change her mind was Clarke’s look when she raised her eyes towards her, a look she had never seen on the girl’s face before. It was like Clarke was completely open before her, looking like she had seen the true Lexa for the first time.

 

 

“Clarke, I can’t do this.” She stopped, separating herself from the other girl, that looked at her in confusion; Lexa realised the music was actually too loud for her to hear anything she said.

She sighed in frustration, reaching for the girl wrist, motion her to followed her outside.

 

 

It was cold outside the bar, but it helped clear Lexa’s mind. No more excuses, it was time to tell Clarke the truth. The other girl was looking weirdly at her, waiting for an explanation, and Lexa took a deep breath before starting to explain herself.

 

 

“Clarke I’m so sorry. I know this must seem crazy for you, but I swear there is a reason behind my behaviour.” She stopped for a second, but Clarke was still silent, waiting for her explanation.

“Look, I’ve been trying to tell you for days, there is no easy way to tell you and I hope you won’t be too angry…” She paused, trying to gain some courage “I swear this wasn’t some kind of joke to me, I’m sorry it took me so much time to actually tell you…”

 

 

“That you’ve been texting me for days pretending to be Niylah?”

Clarke crossed her arms around her chest, raising an eyebrow to Lexa’s astonished face.

“You seemed to have some problems spilling it out, I just wanted to help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo here we go! The real story starts from here! This chapter was supposed to be divided in two parts, with some more scenes, but you were all already hating Lexa too much, I had to made some cuts XD. I hope you liked the chapter, as usual let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa was so shocked she couldn’t even find words to reply Clarke’s last statement, and when she did, it was actually a flebil “How?” with a voice she hardly recognise at hers.

 

 

Clarke smiled then, but she could easily see there was no kind of joy in her eyes “I think I’ve suspected from the beginning that something was off. I mean… Even for Nylah it was pretty weird not wanting to talk to me in person. But I just rolled with it, I couldn’t imagine…”  She made a vague gesture towards her, without looking directly into her eyes.

 

 

“And then the other day, when you said the on-the-scene reporter thing. I knew there was something going on. I’ve never told anyone about that, only Raven and Octavia, and I had no idea why they would’ve told you.”  Lexa shighed. She thought Clarke hadn’t noticed that, but she should have thought better.

 

 

“Look Clarke, I wanted to tell you back then but…”

“Let me finish” she raised her head, a note of anger in her voice “So when you went away, I decided it was time to see if I was just been paranoid about the first girl I was starting to like since college or if I was right.”

 

 

Lexa felt a sting in her core at that: did Clarke liked her too? It made it all more terrible than it already was, knowing that after that there was no way Clarke was actually going to want to have something to do with her again.

 

 

“So I went to talk to Niylah who, blessed her soul, was super happy that I finally did the first move with her. Apparently I was right, she is into me. Imagine her and mine shock when I went to her desk to ask her if she had a cat and she replied to me she is allergic.”

 

 

Lexa lowered her eyes, looking at the floor “No, Lexa, look at me. Do you have any idea how I felt in that moment? Realizing I had told things about my private life to a stranger that was lying to me? God, I’ve told you about my dad! I can assure you it wasn’t pleasant at all.” Clarke tone was higher now, her face slightly redder.

 

 

“So I asked Raven for her phone because I wanted to be sure. Because I still couldn’t believe you would do such a thing to me. My boss, the woman that showed up at my apartment, that talked me into believing in my work again. Was that also a part of the joke?”

 

 

“No Clarke, I…” Clarke shaked her head “Wait I’m not done. So I controlled the number and it looked like it was really yours. And it all came back to me, you defending yourself, your sister, you being at my house after I told you I was mad for you not reading my article, publish it just for… pity? To appear better in my eyes so I would eventually have sex with you or whatever you wanted to get from this whole fucked up thing?”

 

 

Lexa felt every phrase straight to her core, feeling an ardent desire to just walk away and never return “Clarke, I swear there was nothing behind this. I wanted to tell you that night I was at your place but I was afraid of this… That you would think I was publishing your work just for that. It wasn’t it, I think you are really good.”

 

 

“Lexa you were supposed to tell me the moment you received my message. It wasn’t so hard, just a fucking message telling me I had the wrong number.” Her voice had raised again, almost screamed in the cold night.

 

 

“I know, I know… I wanted to do that, but then you started to insult me and I was mad so…”

“So you decided you wanted to make me suffer for that? For telling the truth? Because you really are a fucking bitch Lexa, for doing this to me.”

 

 

Lexa bit her lips, trying to find words to express her feeling, struggling with her own introvert self “I am Clarke, I’m so sorry, you have no idea.”  She waited for a reply, but Clarke was just looking at her in silence, her whole face expressing her unconcealed anger.

 

 

“So what now?” She asked in the end, knowing exactly that there were big troubles ahead. Clarke could’ve easily ended her career on the spot.

 

 

After what it seemed like hours, Clarke sighed before replying “I thought about reporting you. I was so angry at first I literally wanted your career to be disrupted by the scandal. We both know for women it’s not so easy to get away with things as it is for men. Your enemies in Washington would have discredit all your work for this.”  She paused, looking at her in the eyes this time “But I don’t want that. As much as I hate you right now, I do respect your work. And I don’t want the newspaper to be discredited for your mistakes.”

 

 

Lexa felt some relief in her heart.This was bad, but at least it wasn’t going to hurt anyone else. Except Clarke. Seeing her so angry was making her feeling so much guiltier that she had expected after her confession.

 

 

“But don’t think you’re getting away with this. You’re going to repay me for all the time and expectation I’ve put into… you. And whatever it was that we had. You’re going to help me with my career.” Lexa looked at her, confused “You still want to work with me?”

 

 

Clarke nodded “Just because you’re an asshole I’m not going to throw away all those months of hard work, of sacrifice I’ve made. I’m going to finish my year of internat. And you’re going to give me those private lessons we talked about. You’re going to help me become the journalist I want to be. And then I’m going to go on my way, and if I’m lucky I’m going to forget about you and this whole mess for good.”

 

 

Lexa was taken aback from that. She really wasn’t expecting Clarke to still want to talk to her. But private lessons seemed like a small price to pay for what she had done.

“Yes… Whatever you want Clarke.”

 

 

Clarke nodded “I’ll text you to let you know when I’ll be free. Since I’ve got your number.” She said with clear spite in her tone before turning around to go back into the bar.

 

 

“Wait Clarke… Why… why did you keep texting me even if you knew the truth?”

Clarke turned around then, taking a step closer to her “Because I wanted to know how far you would’ve gone.”

 

 

Lexa started to understand “Tonight… It’s not a coincidence both you and Niylah were here tonight?” Clarke nodded “I’ve overheard your sister telling you she  wanted you to come here, so I thought, why not? That could be fun.” Again, there was no funny note in her voice “So I asked Niylah out. I wanted to see what you would’ve done this time to protect your lies.”

 

 

Lexa shook her head “Clarke what I told you before is true, it wasn’t a lie for me, what I’ve told you about me, the things I’ve said on your work… That was all true.”  Clarke walked closer to her, looking in her eyes for the first time, and Lexa was taken aback to see a lucid reflex in the other girl blue eyes  “How am I supposed to believe you now?”  And that, Lexa thought with extreme lucidity, was what it hurted more of that entire conversation.

 

 

“If you excuse me, now I have to attend my first date with the girl I actually want to be with.”

 

 

She left then, leaving Lexa alone in the dark alley, collecting pieces of her broken heart.

 

*****

 

Clarke was laying on her bed, completely awake, looking at the sunlight springing from her window. That room was her favourite of her entire house, the actual reason she had bought that little apartment instead of a bigger one. She loved waking up feeling the sun warmth touching her skin, knowing that another day was waiting for her. 

 

 

In that moment though, the sun illuminating her beloved bedroom was doing nothing  to warm up her heart. She was still in shock for the conversation she had with Lexa the night before. She replayed it again and again in her head, thinking about the look on Lexa’s face. There was a part of her that felt bad for being too arsh with the other woman. A part that was fast suppressed by her mind, reminding her how she had felt discovering what Lexa had done.

 

 

She could still see Niylah’s confused face at her question, her shy smile when she had invited her to go out with her the other night. She had been nice and sweet, exactly how Clarke had imagined her, but yesterday night her mind was completely on another planet, and she felt guilty for being absent on her very first date with the girl.

 

 

Her doorbell rang loudly in the silence of the house, and Clarke crawled out of the bed to open it. Octavia had texted her half an hour earlier, advising her she was coming along with coffee. And there she was, all dressed up with two coffee in her hands “I know, I know, but I have a brunch with Lincoln and his mom later…” She said in response to Clarke curious look.

 

 

“You didn’t have to come all this way just to check up on me!” Octavia smiled, sitting down on the small table in front of the kitchen “I know, but I wanted to. You don’t need to tell me anything, I just wanted to know you’re okay.”

 

 

Octavia was the only person she had told about the whole Lexa mess. In a first moment, she had been tempted to tell Raven, since she was the one that had made the mistake with the numbers and she also knew Lexa, but she had changed her mind. Raven was way too unpredictable, and she could have stormed in their boss office demanding an explanation. So she had called Octavia, that had been way more rational about the whole thing. She couldn’t have kept the secret with Lexa for all those days if it hadn’t be for her.

 

 

“Are you still sure you don’t want to report her?” she asked, a worried expression on her face “Yeah, I don’t think it’s fair.” “What she did to you was not fair.”  “She said it wasn’t a joke, that she just made a mistake…” Clarke’s mind was still shaken, and her thought weren’t as linear as she wanted them to be, and Octavia seemed to realise that “Do you believe her?”

 

 

“I don’t know. She said she didn’t tell me immediately because I insulted her, and that’s true. But why keep the secret for so long? I mean, she knew it was going to end in trouble… And then why did she come at my place that night? I’m honestly so confused.”

 

 

Octavia touched her hand with a reassuring gesture “I think you should ask her. I mean, if you really still want to work with her. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”  Clarke nodded “I’m not entirely sure either. She has this… weird effect on me. Before, I’d never considered her nothing more than my boss, but now… I guess I see her in a different light.”

 

 

Octavia sipped her coffee for some moments before asking her the question that had been in Clarke’s mind since the moment she had discovered the truth and maybe even earlier, since the moment Lexa had showed up at her doorstep “Are you attracted to her?”

 

 

Clarke sighed “Maybe… I don’t know. Physically… I mean yes.  But I’m also angry. I look at her and I can only think about what she has done.”

 

Octavia nodded “It’s comprensible. That’s why I’m a little worried about you have this… private lessons with her, or whatever they are.” 

“I can’t really waste this chance Octavia. It could be such a great opportunity for my career. I’ll deal with my feelings somehow.”

 

 

“And what about Niylah?” Clarke closed her eyes “She’s nice. And beautiful. And she looks like she’s really into me for some weird reason. But I’m not sure it’s fair to her to keep seeing her with this confusion in my mind. I can barely remember what we talked about yesterday evening.”

 

 

“You’re right” Octavia nodded “But maybe think about it for some days? You’re still hurting from what Lexa did, and maybe when you’re going to feel better you’d still want to give Niylah a chance. Maybe just don’t go out with her again yet.”

 

 

“I had no idea you were so wise Octavia” Clarke tried to lift the spirit of the conversation, and Octavia played along with her “I’m not really great with all this advice thing, but for sure I’m better than you and Raven.” Clarke nodded “Hey, I really don’t  want you to stay here when you have better places to go. Go to your handsome boyfriend and have a good time!”

 

 

Octavia raised from the seat then, and gave her a tiny smile “You want to come with me? They make the most amazing pancakes.”

Clarke shocked her head “I’m tempted, but I have some work to finish. Next time, say hello to Indra and Lincoln from me.”

Octavia kissed her on the cheek and left, leaving her alone again in her empty apartment. She had this big article on water pollution to finish but again, her mind was completely on another planet.

 

 

She spent an hour rereading all Lexa’s messages, thinking about possible meanings behind the other woman’s words. It was draining all her energy trying to find a meaning behind all that, everything that had happened.  She needed to talk with Lexa again, maybe this time without the tumultuous anger that had possessed her the other night at the bar.

 

**Come at my place tomorrow at 8PM**

 

She pressed send without thinking too much about it, knowing perfectly that she wasn’t going to do it if she had waited a minute longer.  The answer was almost immediate, as if Lexa had been waiting for her to reach out the whole day.

 

_ Okay. _

 

_ Clarke I hope you’re alright. _

 

She ignored the last text. No, she wasn’t feeling alright. But she had work to do, and now more than ever she wanted to impress her boss, showing her that what happened between them hadn’t affected her at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, no one needs to go on Mars, Lexa's path to gain back Clarke's trust is not going to be so easy XD. This chapter is maybe a little too drama even for me (side note: I'm italian, my girlfriend says that that must be the reason I tend to be too drama sometimes -she might be right) but I really enjoyed writing it. I hope you liked it too, as usual let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa walked past the blue door for the third time, waiting for some divine act to save her from what was waiting for her. This was, indeed, her right punishment for being a dishonest coward, and she knew it, but she wished with her heart she could find a way out of it.

 

 

It was way too hot now for her leather jacket, but she kept it anyway, feeling like it was some sort of protection against everything that was going on around her. She took a deep breath before finally ringing the bell of Clarke’s apartment.

 

 

The door opened immediately and Lexa walked towards the stairs like she was walking to her own plank. She found Clarke’s door slightly open, and she thought about the last time she had been there. About how it was completely different back then, even if less than a week had passed.

 

 

“You can come in.” Clarke’s voice seemed calm, and that gave Lexa the necessary confidence to enter the room “How did you know it was me?”

 

 

Clarke raised her eyes from her laptop, her expression completely impassible “I wasn’t expecting anyone else. Also, I saw you walking outside for the last five minutes.”

 

 

Great, Lexa crossed her arms on the chest. That couldn't have started better.

“It’s honestly so weird.” Clarke shook her head.

 

 

Lexa didn’t know exactly how to reply to that. To what was Clarke referring to? Her walking nervously outside her door? Her being at her house? The whole crazy situation?

 

 

“You look so confident and strong at work. Like you could fight an army to get what you want. Looking at you now...I almost don’t recognise you.”

Lexa sighed “You don’t really know me Clarke.”

 

 

Clarke nodded, and Lexa seemed to catch a glimpse of sadness in her eyes “Yeah, I guess I don’t. Shall we start? I already wrote my next article, if you want to give it a look.”

 

 

Clarke looked apparently so calm, so at ease, Lexa almost started to think that she had imagined the whole fight the other night. But she wasn’t the same as the other night, she could tell that.

 

 

“No unicorns this time?” she tried to joke. She wasn’t used to feel like she owed something to someone, she was so used to be the boss and it was hard to be in this kind of position.  Clarke simply looked at her “Please don’t do that. We don’t have to be… Whatever we were before. Just please do what you’re here for.”

 

 

Lexa sighed and she sat down next to Clarke to read her new article.

 

*

 

 

“It’s not bad Clarke. Really, I like it. But…” she hesitated for a moment “You are too affirmative with your argumentation. Especially since you don’t seem to have a strong proof behind it. You should be more careful, something like this in a higher profile article could ruin your career.”

 

 

Clarke looked at her with a slightly confused expression on her face “But you're the one that told me I should believe more in my argumentation. I tried to do just that.”

 

 

“Yes, and I noticed, but you always need to have good resources behind what you write. Otherwise even a shadow of doubt could compromise your work.”

 

 

“But you did the same thing with the Nia Snow enquire. You didn’t have all the information but you connected all the dots. You were right.”  Clarke voiced had raised slightly at that, showing real emotions for the first time that evening, and Lexa found herself almost smiling “I was lucky. I was young and naive, that could have costed me much more than my career.”

 

 

“But you stopped a corrupted politician from going to the White House. You did something amazing!” Clarke stopped then, realizing what she had just said.  Lexa coughed, looking at her shoes “I was really lucky Clarke. And I have a very good instinct….” she raised her green eyes on Clarke then, adding in a breath “...usually”.

 

 

Clarke shifted uncomfortably in her chair “I’ll go deeper in my searches then, to be sure I can build a better case.” Lexa nodded, suddenly in a hurry to leave. Her work for the night was done and being in the company of Clarke in that moment was still making her feel like she had felt friday night, back in that bar.

“I’m sure you can. I’m not asking you to do something that would hold in court, you can take some poetic license, but you can do better that this. I know that.”

 

 

Clarke seemed to be on the point of replying something, but she closed her mouth, leaving her to start collecting her things. There were too many unspoken words between them, and Lexa couldn’t decide in that moment if it was a bad or a good thing.  Clarke seemed to decide for her though, when she was just about to say goodbye.

 

 

“There is something I don’t understand Lexa.” Clarke raised her face, looking directly at her maybe for the first time that evening “You… you have this wholesome personality. When you write, there is so much energy into you, so much passion. You seem like the kind of person that could take over the world if she wanted.”

 

 

Lexa thought that that speech was going in the same direction as before, wondering while Lexa was actually so pathetic outside the workplace.

 

 

“And also when you texted me… You were funny.” Lexa raised her face then, looking at Clarke with surprise “You’re clever and a little bit sassy and sweet. And if that was really you and you weren’t lying… I simply don’t understand.”

 

 

“What is it that you don’t understand?”

 

 

Clarke shocked her head “What reason did you have to lie to me? And why do you always act like you’re a stone cold woman when you’re clearly not? Why are you afraid to show people this side of you?”

 

 

A myriad of answers rushed through her mind, some more harsh and others completely false. That was a question she had asked herself many time, without really being able to find an answer to it. Clarke was looking at her as she was waiting for some kind of revelation, a big reason behind her being… her. Maybe to justify her terrible behaviour, trying to giving her another chance. Lexa didn’t think she deserved that.

 

 

“I… I don’t know Clarke. It is just the way it is.”

 

 

Clarke felt silent for a while then, but still Lexa couldn’t find in herself enough will to leave her apartment. No matter how dark the light had become in Clarke’s eyes when she looked at her, it was nevertheless infinitely better than the darkness in which she found herself in without it.

 

 

“I think you still owe me a good explanation Lexa.” Clarke raised from her chair, a tired look in her eyes “And I think you can do better than this.” She mocked her words, walking slowly to the door “But maybe not tonight.”

 

 

Lexa walked out of Clarke’s apartment, feeling almost like she couldn’t breath. Like for the whole time she had been keeping her breath underwater. She walked out the building breathing avidly the cold air, trying not to turn around to look if Clarke was again at the window, watching her.

 

 

It was long after she was gone that Clarke noticed the green scarf that Lexa had left behind on the chair, too eager to leave her house to notice it. She took it in her hand, caressing the soft tissue. She brought it closer to her face, taking in Lexa’s light sent. It was almost like having her there again in her arms, like the night they danced together. That night….

 

 

Clarke threw the scarf on the table, annoyed by her own weakness.

  
  


*

 

Clarke shook her head, telling herself for the hundredth time that it was a terrible, terrible idea. Maybe the worst idea she’d had in years. She was outside Lexa’s apartment, the scarf in her hands, fighting with herself if she should or not knocking on the door. She was just there to give back the scarf, she kept telling to herself. Nothing more.

 

 

The moment she saw Lexa on the doorstep though, she knew it was a lie. She knew she was there just because she wanted to talk to Lexa again. She was there because she was  still angry and she could do nothing to let it go. She could do nothing but think about how much she wanted to scream at Lexa. To reverse on her all her anger and frustration, and her desire. Because she wanted to hit her with the same intensity she wanted to kiss her, and was making her going crazy.

 

 

It was Lexa then that solved the problem, answering at the door dressed only with a tank top and a pair of boxer, still sweating for whatever sport she was doing before Clarke interrupted her.

 

 

Clarke’s mind only registered for a second the idea that maybe some sport would’ve been much better than this to let her steam go, before actually pushing Lexa on the wall next to her, kissing her with a desire and a eagerness that she almost didn’t recognise as hers.

 

 

Lexa’s words of surprise were lost in the clashing of their lips, and Clarke’s entire body seemed to light up at the only touch of Lexa’s soft lips. She ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair, holding onto her while the other woman tried to pull her closer, holding her by her waist. She removed Lexa’s hand with an angry gesture, grabbing her wrist to keep it on the wall while her tongue pushed past Lexa’s lips, demanding entrance. Lexa seemed more than glad to grant her whatever she wished, moaning softly when their tongue finally touched. 

 

 

That only made Clarke shiver with desire, while her free hand became more and more bold, tracing the curves of Lexa’s body.

 

 

She withdrew for a moment, in desperate need of air, and Lexa’s breathless “Clarke” was almost desperate enough to make her let go of her hand to allow the other woman to touch her. But that wasn’t how that was going to play out. Lexa might be her boss in the office, but in that moment she was in charge.

 

 

She bit Lexa’s lower lip, rewarded by another moan that Lexa tried to suffocate by kissing her. Clarke withdrew again, taking a second to admire Lexa’s perfect flustered face. They were both breathing hard while Clarke’s hand slipped under the tank top, feeling Lexa’s warm and soft skin underneath. She almost didn’t know what to do next, stunned by the idea of having complete power over the woman she hated, and desired so much.

 

 

She waited for a second too long though, because the next thing she knew, she was in her bed, breathing heavy, just being torn apart from the most vivid dream of her life. She was sweating and there was a terrible, uncomfortable ache between her legs she was incredibly ashamed of.

 

 

She took away the covers, trying to calm herself. She could not have just dreamed _that_. 

 

“Fuck…”

 

*

 

Lexa sipped her coffee, looking out the windows to the city that was slowly awakening in front of her. She had been up since dawn, unable to shut off her thoughts, and she went to jog, trying to focus her mind on something that wasn’t Clarke.

 

 

Now she was just feeling tired, and not in a positive way. Her cat rubbed against her legs, purring his thank for the food she had just given him. She patted on his little head with a smile, comforted by his presence. 

 

 

She was usually very eager to get to the office on monday morning, ready to forget the empty and lonely weekend. But this time even the idea of meeting Clarke’s gaze was keeping her for being her usual self. She heard someone opening the door, and Gustus meawoed, greeting Anya.

 

 

“Hello my fat friend.” Lexa turned just in time to see Gustus flipping on his back to have his tummy scratched. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cat so eager for cuddles Lexa… He looks like a dog.”

 

 

“Well he was in the pound. Maybe he picked up some habits… Anyway Anya, I’ve told you a thousand times that I gave you the keys for emergency.”

“This is an emergency!”

Anya walked toward her to pat her shoulder “I’m here to drag your sorry ass at work. I figured you were going to need some help after your lesson…”

 

 

Lexa tried to counter that, but in the end she just nodded “Yeah, maybe I do. God Anya, it was horrible.”

Anya nodded “I really don’t understand why Clarke wants this… I mean, she must be feel terrible just looking at you!”

“Thank you Anya, you’re really helping me.”

 

 

Anya smiled, but Lexa could see a worried look in her eyes. Her sister could be a pain in the ass sometimes, but she really cared about her. “I think Clarke really values my advice, even if she hates me.”

 

 

“Pff, she doesn’t hate you Lexa.” Anya shook her head “She’s probably just as confused as you are. Maybe angrier at the moment.”  Lexa nodded “Definitely angrier. But also way smarter than me.”

 

 

Anya nodded, taking a sip from Lexa’s cup, thing that she knows always annoyed her “You did handle this whole thing like an idiot.”

“Where exactly is the part when you’re going to make me feel better?”

 

 

Anya took Lexa’s leather jacket at throwed it at her “I never said I was here to make you feel better, just to make you go out of the house. C’mon, or you’ll be late for the work for the first time ever.”

 

 

Lexa gave Gustus one last pat before they left, reaching Anya in the elevator just in time “Thank you for waiting for me…”

“Your house is too fancy sis.”

Lexa smiled, looking at the evidently fancy decorations on the elevator “Do you remember the second house we went together? The one that kept flooding every time it rained a little too much?”

Anya seemed to be lost in thought for a second, before her whole face went bright “Of course. You always said that…”

 

 

Lexa nodded, and Anya repeated the word that Lexa had kept saying as a mantra for the whole time they were at that place “When I’ll be rich and important, I’ll buy my house  so high that a whole river won’t be able to flood it.”

 

 

They both laughed, while the door of the elevator opened “Well I think you were actually successful in that. No more wet socks for Lexa Woods.”

Lexa smiled had faded when they reached her car “Clarke asked me why I hide the fact that I can be a decent human being sometimes.”

 

 

Anya stopped then, sighing “And what did you said?”

“That I don’t know why”

“Did she believed that?”

“I don’t think so. She seemed to be able to… see through my walls somehow.”

“Well, maybe then you should let her in.”

 

 

Lexa nodded “It’s not so easy. I’m not good... “ she moved her hands to indicate her whole self “With this…”

“I know.” Anya patted her shoulder “But maybe talking with someone that is not me could be more helpful…”

 

 

Lexa seemed to shut off then, putting on the strong, smirking expression that Anya knew so well “That’s easy, you don’t help at all.” She smiled, but she knew that Anya wasn’t  going to buy it. She knew her so well. They drove in silence after that, both lost in their thoughts.

 

 

It was only when they reached Lexa’s building that Anya talked again “Do you think you could introduce me to that fascinating lady that was with Clarke the other night?”

 

 

Lexa raised her eyes “I can’t believe you. You came here just for that!” Anya pretended to be offended by that “Me? I would never  do such a thing. I came here to talk you into work. The fact that you work in the same place of Miss…” “Reyes” “Exactly, has nothing to do with that. It’s just a coincidence.”

 

 

Lexa shook her head “I’m not introducing you two. This is already too messed up for me. I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch. Don’t importunate my employees Anya!”

Lexa turned her back on her sister, marching toward her office.

“Damn you, you never do anything for your bigger sister.”

 

 

Lexa waved at her, and Anya seemed to notice the tiny smile on her face “See? I do help sometimes!”

 

 

When Lexa entered her office, she noticed someone had left her scarf on her desk. She hadn’t even notice she had lost it. There was a little note under it, written in Clarke’s sharp calligraphy that Lexa recognised from the notes she usually left on unfinished articles.

 

 

**You forgot this.**

**Same hour next week?**

 

 

She almost peaked out of the door to see if Clarke was back on her desk since she wasn’t there when she had arrived, but a part of her advised her otherwise. She seated on her chair, desperately trying to focus on work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story has over 500 kudos and I'm speachless! At the beginning I was a little afraid to start this because I've never written anything this long in english, but I'm glad I did it, it also made me start translating some of my works in italian, which I hope I'll be able to post here too soon. A big thanks to you all for your support, and I hope you liked this chapter! A special thanks to my wonderful girlfriend that always helps me with the translation and never gets tired of reading what I write. To next week!


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke sipped her hot tea, looking at the people walking on the street through the window. She had always liked to observe the people around her, strangers, and wonder what was on their mind. Where were they going, what kind of job could they do.   It relaxed her, it made her less conscious of her own mind, and her problems, and in that moment she was in a desperate need of that.

 

 

Two weeks had passed since her first meeting with Lexa and they had kept their weekly routine without much else than professional talks between them, and she was still waiting to get something from Lexa. Because, even if the lessons were truly helpful, she didn’t like the idea of forcing Lexa into them. 

 

 

It had been anger at first that made her come up with that plan, but now that the initial rage had been substitute by a milder but deeper sense of disappointment, she was just looking for some sort of explanation. She couldn’t let it go without knowing if there was some meaning  to everything that had happened between them.

 

 

“Hey Clarke!”

 

 

She turned her attention from the window to the girl that had just called her, and was now waving her hand in a shy greeting.

 

 

“Hey Niylah. Thank you so much for coming.”

“Thank you for asking, and I’m sorry I was late, I had to take my sister to the mall with her friends…” She rolled her eyes, but kept smiling, taking the seat right in front of Clarke.

 

 

There was a moment of embarrassed silence before Clarke coughed, trying to find the right words for what she wanted to say.

“You know, I’m really sorry that I didn’t… keep in touch after that evening at the bar.”

Niylah nodded “Yeah well, I was actually surprised when you asked me to come here.”

 

They had exchanged some texts during the weeks, but the girl hadn’t ask her out again, and Clarke had waited for her mind to be in a better place before deciding what to do.

“Don’t get me wrong… I should have asked you out this time, but well…” Niylah shrugged “I was afraid you would say no and I actually like to talk with you. I don’t have many friends in the office and I didn’t want to make it weird.”

 

 

Clarke laughed, relaxing feeling than Niylah was as much awkward at this as her “You mean weirder than what I did?”

Niylah laughed too “Well, when you asked me out, I was actually mesmerised that the most beautiful girl in the office would ask me to go dance with her. But…” Niylah twiddle the sugar bag in her hand “I think you’re here to tell me that’s not going to happen again, right?”

 

 

Clarke sighed “Well… Niylah I want to tell you that I’m really sorry. I didn’t behave in a good way with you. I’d been wanting to ask you out for a while but then… Other things happened and everything became complicated… I asked you out because you’re so nice and I like you but…”

“You have other things on your mind right now.” Niylah finished for her, and Clarke just nodded “I hoped going out with you would have helped me… going back to normal, but it just not fair to you. I have to deal with this by myself. But I wanted you to know that it’s not your fault, and that I’m really sorry…”

 

 

“Clarke, Clarke, stop.” Niylah touched her hand in a reassuring gesture “We went out once, I wasn’t planning our wedding. It’s okay. It’s also on me, I should have asked you out  way sooner.” She smiled and Clarke felt the knot she had on her throat loosen a bit “Because someone else did before me, right? That’s what this is about.”

 

 

Clarke sighed “Sort of.” “I imagined it the other night. You were completely on another planet.”

Clarke covered her face with her hand “God, I’m terrible. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay Clarke, you can offer me the coffee if that makes you feel better.” Niylah smiled “I’m glad we talked though. I’d like to have a friend in the office. You saw it, I’m not super good at making friends…”

 

 

“But you’re great!” Clarke laughed “And it would be an honor for me to be your friend. You can actually come by my place tomorrow, we’re making mexican food, Raven is going to be there too with a couple of other friends…”

 

 

“Woah Clarke, too many people for me already” Niylah shook her head “Maybe in some time… I need to warm up a little first.”

“Sure, whatever you want.” Clarke raised her hands “I’m really glad we’ve talked Niylah, I have so much going on right now, and I really wanted to sort things out with you.”

 

 

Niylah sipped her coffee, nodding “So, since now we’re friend… Do you want to talk about it? What is bothering you so much? Or should I say who?” Niylah smiled, but Clarke felt her stomach ache just at the idea of explaining everything to Niylah.

 

 

“It’s a little complicated… I don’t really want to talk about it, I’m sorry.” Clarke avoided Niylah’s eyes, and the girl seemed to understand that the topic was out of limits “Sure, don’t worry. I just hope everything will sort out for you.”

 

 

Clarke smiled, thinking with a hint of worrying about the appointment she had that night. They talked for a little while, telling each others stories from the office and Clarke felt at ease like she hadn’t been in days. She had felt terribly guilty to have invited Niylah without exactly knowing what she wanted from her, and she was glad her emotional turmoils hadn’t stop them from being friends.

 

 

She walked Niylah to the metro station, enjoying her company and thinking about what she had missed out for months. 

“You know what Clarke?” the girl told her right before leaving “I changed my mind. I would love to come tomorrow if you’ll still have me.”

 

 

Clarke nodded “Of course! Are you sure it’s not a problem?” Niylah shrugged “If this whole thing taught me something is that I have to learn to get out from my shell a little more. I’m going to try. I’m not promising you I won’t be awkward though.”

 

 

Clarke laughed “You’re going to be great. I’ll text you my address! And thank you again for today.”

 

 

“Thank you Clarke. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

 

Clarke started to walk toward her car, thinking about how much time she had before her appointment with Lexa. Her phone ringed then and she was surprised to find a message from Lexa.

 

 

_ I have a problem for tonight, I can’t leave home. _

_ Would you mind come here? _

  
  


**I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy.**

**We’ll do it another time.**

 

_ It’s really not a problem if you come here. _

_ You have to finish the article on the mayor election. I have some suggestions I want to show you. _

 

**Okay, text me your address.**

  
  


 

A couple of hours later there she was, ringing the doorbell to Lexa’s luxury apartment. She heard some shouting from the inside and then footstep approaching the door.

 

 

Lexa opened the door in what Clarke thought was the most casual look she had ever seen on her. The woman usually weared fancy clothes, even too fancy for office outfits. Clarke would’ve lied if she had said she didn’t enjoy looking at her suits and various tight shirt, but now she was in an pair of grey sweatpants and a simple t-shirt. 

 

 

Her mind went straight to the dream she had, so similar to that moment and yet so different. She looked away, scared that Lexa was going to read into her mind and find out exactly why she was blushing.

 

 

“Hello Clarke. I’m sorry for all this. Come in.”

 

 

Clarke looked around, admiring the ordered space, the beautiful pictures on the walls, the amazing view from the huge windows, the fat cat on the couch… Clarke stopped, thinking she was dreaming. There was indeed a fat cat on the couch, the cat from the picture, looking quite downcast, with a IV attached to his little arm.

 

 

“That’s the reason I couldn’t come.” Lexa passed her hand on her hair, looking more tired than usual “He’s always looking for food, and he ate some plastic wire. I had to take him to the vet and he had surgery. So now we’re stuck here with the IV, and someone is not very happy…”

 

 

The cat meowled angrily and tried to take off his IV, and Lexa rushed at his side to fix his elizabethian collar “I could have left him at the clinic, but the vet said it was okay, and I don’t like to leave him alone.”

 

 

Clarke smiled, watching that scene that was so far away in her mind from the picture of Lexa “You really are a old cat lady…” 

 

 

Lexa looked at her for a few seconds before smiling, patting the cat’s head with affection while the little feline started to purring, without losing his angry look. “I guess you can say so…”

 

 

There was silence then, and Clarke felt the nervousness grown. She felt always on the spine with Lexa, and being in the other woman’s house did nothing but calm her nerves.  Lexa seemed to sense it, because she got up from the couch, pointing her laptop on the living room table “We can start if you want… I have some suggestion on your article…”

 

 

“Did I push too much with my argumentation again?” Lexa smiled “Well… I can clearly see that there is one party you prefer. But I think the problem here is that you don’t really compared the two candidates programs.”

 

 

Clarke approached the table, seating next to Lexa “I couldn’t find any complete information, their program is mainly about sanitary reforms, but there isn’t much about the ecological part. I tried to get an appointment with both of them to ask them about the water pollution, but they haven’t given me an answer yet.”

 

 

Lexa nodded “Well, in that case you could write that. It might help them realised that they can’t just focus on what is more helpful for their campaign and ignore important matters. I bet they’re going to call you back after that.”

 

 

They worked for a little longer, fixing parts of the article that didn’t convince Lexa completely. Clarke could easily say she could have spent the whole night listening to her ideas. She was learning more just by her corrections than she did in school, and Clarke wished Lexa could have done that from the start. Maybe not as much as she was doing with her, but it would have been enough for her to give her interns some suggestions instead of shutting down completely their articles.

  
  


“You’re really good at this” she said after Lexa had closed the computer, eliciting a questioning look from the other woman.

“Teaching journalism. You’re giving me advices that would have been gold in school.”

 

 

Lexa shrugged “I’m only as good as my student. Really, you don’t need much help, and what you lack you’ll learn with experience.”

 

 

“I really think it would be good if you’d do that with everyone…” “Clarke…” Lexa looked at her for a moment “I don’t really have the time to be a teacher. You’re supposed to know this already. I…” she breathed deeply stopping for a second.

 

 

“I realise I haven’t been the best boss ever. But you have no idea what is like in this word. You’re young and naive… And I don’t mean it in a bad way. But you have to learn that you’re not at school anymore. Ask for an advice to the wrong person and you could find yourself back stabbed.”

 

 

Lexa stopped again, almost like she wanted to rearrange her thoughts “But I do realise I could have done better. I… I can be harsh sometimes and it’s not a great way to capture people’s interest.”

 

 

Clarke was silent for some seconds before smiling “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…”

“Are you comparing yourself with a fly?”

Clarke laughed “I… maybe. I realise now that I was probably as annoying as one.”

 

 

Lexa shook her head “No… It’s, it’s comprehensible to have doubts, especially at the beginning. But don’t let anyone tell you what you can or you can’t do. Take all the advices you want, but you need to choose with your head. You have all the abilities to do that on your own.”

 

 

She raised and Clarke watched how the lights of the buildings outside the windows danced on her face for a moment. She hadn’t realised it was completely dark around them until that moment, and she wondered for a second what was that weird feeling she kept having around Lexa, as if the two of them together were in a world on their own.

 

 

“Of course not if I’m the one giving you the advices. In that case you should listen to me…”

Clarke smiled “And why should I do that?”

Lexa turned towards the couch, watching the her cat that was finally asleep, snoring softly “You can trust me.”

“Can I?” She said it before thinking about it, and she regretted immediately. The soft, relaxed light she had seen in Lexa’s face disappeared in a moment, while she turned towards the kitchen without an answer. 

 

 

“Do you want some wine Clarke? I don’t really have much else to offer you.”  Clarke wasn’t surprised by the sudden change of argument. Lexa seemed more intricated to solve than a mystery.

 

 

A voice inside her head told her to refuse. To politely say goodbye and leave, that it wasn’t safe for her to stay in Lexa’s intossicating company too long. She didn’t trust herself around the other woman, not now that she could see past her work figure, past what she had done.

 

 

“It’s late, I should go.”

She grabbed her jacket, suddenly in a hurry to leave that place. But Lexa was looking at her now, making it almost impossible to Clarke to look away.

“Please Clarke, wait. I… I wish to talk to you.”

 

 

Clarke nodded then, seating back on her chair waiting in silence for Lexa to came back with the wine. After that, she waited for Lexa to start the conversation she wanted to have with her, but the other woman kept looking at the glass in her hand in complete silence.

 

 

“I know you’re still expecting some kind of explanation for my behaviour. I… I don’t really like to talk about myself. And I know that I don’t have a valid excuse for what I did. But maybe I can help you to understand better why I am… like this.”

 

 

Clarke could felt the hesitation in her voice and shocked her head “Lexa, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want…”

Lexa raised her hand, looking at her directly in her eyes for a second “I want to. I already told you that I am an orphan, right?”

 

 

Clarke remembered the text, and nodded in silence “I grew up in the system. Changing foster house one after the other. I was already a shy girl myself, and being always with different people, with too many kids… It didn’t really help me come out from my shell. I had no one to talk with, no person I could describe as family… But I was smart. Not to brag, but I’ve always been smarter than other kids of my age.”

 

 

Clarke tried to picture her younger, as a kid alone in the world. She thought about herself, about her happy childhood with two loving parents, with their defects, but always there for her.

 

 

“With time I learnt that I had to fight to get anything I wanted. A game, a book, the chance to get a scholarship to go to a good school… I’ve always had to give all myself to get where I wanted to be. Any sign of distraction… I saw it like a weakness. I still do. I felt like that the second I allowed myself to stop I would just lose everything. Everything I’ve worked so hard for.”

 

 

Lexa stopped then, a shadow of pain in her green eyes, and shipped some of her wine.

“Did you decide back there you wanted to be in politics?” Clarke remembered she had find it odd for someone like Niylah to desire such a profession, but now it fitted Lexa perfectly.

 

 

Lexa nodded “Anything in a good position of power. Anything to not be again in the situation I was before. I… I had nothing. I just wanted to be sure that wouldn’t happen again.” She swallowed “I don’t really let people see this part of me because I’m afraid they would eventually use it against me. I never let people get closer long enough to realise what kind of weakness there is behind my everyday mask.”

 

 

Clarke had never felt so small before, watching the woman in front of her opening up to her like she never did before with anyone. She felt a surge of shame, having forced Lexa to talk to her when only mention her past had her voice trembling in the way it was in that moment. 

 

 

“I’m sorry Lexa, I feel… I shouldn’t have asked you.”

Lexa shook her head “No, you see… I want you to know this. Because talking to you in those messages… I felt like someone was finally listening to me. It really made me feel like I could be completely myself. And I know it was probably because you didn’t know it was me. But it really helped me. And… I didn’t want it to stop. That’s why I waited so long to tell you. And this is not a good excuse, I know it. But I just want you to know that it wasn’t my intention to hurt you the way I did.”

 

 

Clarke could hear the honesty in her voice, and she felt a warmth in her heart she hadn’t felt in a long time. She reached out to touch Lexa’s arm “Thank you for telling me this.”  Lexa looked at her again, and this time she didn’t withdraw from her eyes. Clarke felt a shiver down her spine and she tried to blame the wine, knowing perfectly that that wasn’t the cause of her inner turmoil.

 

 

“Clarke, I feel terrible lying to you the way I did. But… You reminded me that there is more in me than what I show to strangers. Sometimes it’s hard to remember it when you’re so used to play the same part.”

 

 

They were closer now, almost like Clarke was dragged toward Lexa by a force she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to. She was still staring in silence, almost incapable of talking, afraid to break the moment. She wanted so badly to trust Lexa completely, to try to rebuilt what they had before, but there was a part of her that was still afraid. Afraid to feel betrayed again the way she had felt before.  

 

 

“Lexa, I…”

 

 

There was an alarm noise from the living room, and they both turned their head just in time to see Gustus taking of his IV for good, his collar on the ground. Lexa sighed “I’m afraid my cat got it from me. We are both as stubborn as mules.”

 

 

She went to fix the IV and Clarke was finally able to breath. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say. In fact, she had no idea of how she felt in that moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! A little announcement: I have a super huge terrible exam coming up next week and immediately after that I'm going to move to Paris to start my new job (yayyyy) so I won't be able to update for a little while. I'll do my best to be back the 24 or the week after! In the meantime, I've done a little moodboard for the story if you want to check it out (http://minervamason.tumblr.com/post/179764764760/un-instant-peut-changer-la-face-du-monde-ive)! I hope you liked this chapter, as usual let me know what you think!   
> (also, one of my favourite ff writer liked this story??? best moment ever)


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke woke up slowly, gazing to the light around her with half-open eyes. She took in her surroundings slowly, realising with growing concern she wasn’t indeed in her bedroom. Clarke raised quickly, realizing in that moment there was an heavy burden on her legs. She looked down and smiled softly when she saw Lexa’s cat asleep on her legs, face hidden by one of his huge paw, the IV long forgotten on the other side of the couch.

 

 

Clarke patted lighty his head, receiving a deep growl of happiness in return.

“I gave up on the IV around two, he really wanted to sleep on you.”

 

 

Lexa was in the kitchen, looking at them with a shy smile. She walked closer, her arms crossed on her chest “You fall asleep right in the middle of my story last night… I was kind of offended.”

 

 

Clarke remembered she asked Lexa to tell her some of her experience with politicians before going home, and she remembered she was on the couch to pet Gustus while listening to her, but couldn’t remember at all drifting into sleep.

 

 

“Gosh, I’m so sorry Lexa. I didn’t mean to impose myself, I was terribly tired. I should go…”

She raised quickly, but her traitorous legs, sleepy from the weight of the cat, made her stumble forward. Lexa reached out quickly, grabbing her before she felt face forward on the ground. And maybe it was for the rush of adrenalin for the almost fall, but her whole body seemed to react to Lexa’s firm touch. Her hands on her upper-arms made her shiver, and she tried as hard as she could not to show it. Lexa simply smiled as she helped her back to her feet.

 

 

“Don’t worry Clarke. I tried to wake you up to offer you a ride home or a more comfortable place, but you didn’t seemed too much inclined to that. I made coffee if you want.”

 

 

Clarke groaned internally. That was so embarrassing. And yet, Lexa seemed rather amused by the whole situation. 

“Coffee sounds great. But I don’t want to disturb you…”

Lexa shook her head “I really don’t mind some company Clarke…” she could easily read the loneliness behind those words, but Lexa didn’t seemed to mind sharing that with her. After what she had told her last night, it was comprensible.

 

 

“About last night…” She saw Lexa’s hands trembling a little on the coffee mug, but she didn’t interrupt her “Thank you for telling me. It really meant a lot for me.”

Lexa simply nodded “I just wish I could have done it sooner.”

 

 

Clarke took the hot mug, shipping the coffee with deliberate calm.

“I wanted to tell you that… That I’m sorry too.”

 

 

Lexa looked at her with wide eyes, a confused expression on her face.

“I… It wasn’t fair for me to… blackmail you or whatever into helping me with my articles.”

 

 

Lexa exhaled slowly, looking like she was searching for the right words “I get it. Really, you don’t have to apologise. You made me understand that I was making some mistakes as boss. And… I don’t want to be an unfair leader.”

 

 

Clarke rolled her eyes with a tiny smile “You do have an inclination for being overdramatic.”

Lexa touched her chest as if she had been hit by an arrow “And you are mean. But if what you said is true, I could start making all the office call me the Commander for real.”

 

 

Clarke blushed slightly at that “I’m sorry about that too…” Lexa shrugged “I do like the sound of it… So, this mean no more private lessons?”

 

 

Clarke could swear she had hear a note of sadness in Lexa’s words, but she was decided to finish it there. It was mainly because of her conscious, but a tiny part of her was screaming in her mind that it wasn’t safe for her to stay too long around Lexa. It was already too messy the way it was.

 

 

“Yeah. I don’t want you to have problems with the directors because of me. Also, I feel bad knowing I’m taking you off your Gustus duty.” Nomined, the cat meowed loudly from the couch, demanding his breakfast.

 

 

Lexa smiled “As you want Clarke. I’m still going to expect the best from you no matter what though. I saw what you’re capable of.” Clarke blushed before she could help it, cursing herself for being so easily moved by Lexa’s compliments. There was nobody else in the world that seemed to have the same effect on her.

 

 

She looked behind her, just to find something else to focus her attention on, and she spotted a beautiful picture that she hadn’t notice the night before, portraying an old lady with her presumably nephew, feeding pigeons in the park. It was in black and white, extremely simple and yet there was something about it that Clarke couldn’t just let go. Maybe it was the love in the old woman’s eyes, fixed on the kid, or the radiant and innocent smile of the baby, marveled by the view of something as new and weird as a pigeon was to him.

 

 

“You like it?” Lexa must have noticed her staring, because she moved right next to her, so close that Clarke could almost brush her shoulder against hers, without knowing the effects that that simple movement seemed to have on her beating heart.

 

 

“Yes… It’s really lovely.” 

 

 

Lexa smile became a little wider at that. Clarke was starting to believe she could actually write an article, a very excellent one on the way Lexa smiled. How couldn’t she have noticed before? How could she had passed months in company of the woman not realizing how much there was behind the mask of the nasty boss? “I took it right in the park you can see from the window.”

 

 

Clarke looked at her with amazement “You took this?”

Lexa almost blushed “Don’t sound so surprised… I do have hobbies besides work, even if it’s very hard to tell.”

“Well this doesn’t look like an hobby! It looks professional. You could be a photographer if you weren’t already so good at journalism.”

 

 

Lexa just shrugged “I always loved it, since I was a little girl. It makes me happy to capture little moments of people’s life. Nothing extraordinary, just… moments I’ll never have.” Clarke looked again at the picture, the serene aurea of family radiating from it “My dad used to take pictures of the family when I was little. Pictures and tons of videos of useless things, like the first time one of my teeth went off. It was one of his favourites. I also have this picture of my mom after I spilled my food all over her when I was like… two. That always made him laugh. I don’t really look at them anymore since...” she paused, a familiar knot on her throat. “Sorry. It’s still hard to talk about him.”Lexa just nodded “It’s already good to have all those memories. One day maybe…” Lexa didn’t finish the phrase and Clarke wondered what she had meant to say.  _ you’re going to look at them? You’ll show me some? _

Lexa coughed lightly and seemed to compose her thoughts “Unfortunately, it doesn’t have many career prospective, and I had to renounce the idea. But I still like to do it from time to time.”

 

 

Clarke smiled “You should do it more often. I’d like to see some more pictures of yours…”

Lexa was still close to her, so close Clarke could feel the heat radiating from her body, and she looked at her, her green eyes wide with surprise “Really?”

 

 

Before Clarke could answer that, a loud noise came from the door, announcing the arrival Lexa’s sister, that was carrying too many bags to the kitchen. She didn’t seemed to have noticed Clarke’s presence though.

 

 

“Lexyyyy I’ve done the grocery as you asked. I didn’t find the lavender scented candles, so I bought the vanilla ones, I hope it’s still good and…”

 

 

Anya looked up and froze for a second while her eyes focused on Clarke. One look was enough for clarke to understand that Lexa’s sister remembered her from the office, and that she knew exactly what had been going on between them.

 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry… I… Have I interrupted something?”

 

Lexa was livid “Anya. For the umpteenth time, the keys are for emergencies only.”

 

Anya tried to smile it off “To my defense, you did say you needed the lavender candles very badly. Also… Hello Clarke.”

 

 

“Good morning Anya.” Clarke didn’t really know what to do with herself, but Anya seemed more than eager to talk to her.

“So… did you just arrived or…?”

 

 

“Anya!” Lexa put herself in between her and Anya, almost as her body could protect her for indesiderate questions “That’s none of your business. What are you doing here?”

“Well it’s Sunday… We usually do our breakfast thing.”

 

 

Suddenly Clarke was hit with a thought. it was sunday morning, and she was supposed to be nowhere but there.

“Damn, I have to go home. I told Nyilah I'd  be there at noon.”

She realised too late she had said it out loud, and she could definitely sense the tension raise on Lexa’s shoulders. In that moment, she was actually happy she couldn’t see her face. She could, anyhow, see Anya’s one, brows furrowing with unspoked questions.

 

 

“I could give you a ride if you want…” Lexa offered, though her eyes seemed to have lost that fascinating light they had before. Clarke was about to decline it, firmly convinced it was time for her to get Lexa out of her sistem, when Anya came forward, taking her by her upper arm.

 

 

“Don’t worry Lexa, you should stay with your cat. I’ll take Clarke back home. I’ll call you later!”

And just like that, Clarke was dragged out of the apartment, with Lexa looking at them as confused as she was feeling in that moment.  

  
  
  
*

 

Anya wasn't exactly the best driver of the world, Clarke thought while Lexa’s sister was driving like she was in a Fast and Furious movie. She had been weirdly silence for someone that had insisted to take her back home, but she didn't mind that. She had a enough thoughts of her own.

 

 

“So Clarke…” yeah, she knew that silence wasn't going to last.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you why you were at Lexa's place this morning?”

 

 

“We don't really know each others…”

Clarke looked at her, warily.

“Yeah. But I think you know I know…” Anya didn't really need to add anything.

“Yeah I kind of figured it out earlier. It doesn't really goes in your favour.”

 

 

Anya nodded “Well, in my defense I did tell Lexa to tell you sooner. But she is… well if you’re still around after everything that happened, I imagine you are getting to know why exactly she was so reluctant to tell you.”

Clarke felt a string at her core, thinking back to what Lexa had said to her the night before “Yeah… sort of. I’m still not sure why I stick around…”

 

 

Anya nodded, looking straight to the road “And I understand that. She was a moron. But she’s not a bad person. I know she’s not exactly easy with you at work, but that only reflects her behaviour towards herself. She’s never happy with her work, always trying to beat imaginary standards she has in her mind. She’s not an easy person. But she’s worth it if you stick around.”

 

 

Clarke couldn’t exactly tell the meaning behind Anya’s words, if it was a suggestion she was making or simply an affirmation on her personal experience. However, she wasn’t comfortable enough with that argument, and she tried to change the subject.

 

 

“How did you meet her? She told me about the fosters house and everything, but she didn’t mention you…”

Anya seemed a little surprised about that “She told you about her childhood? Well that is… I suppose that is good. For her. I met her when she was like, ten or something. I was older, in foster care myself, and I kind of took a soft spot for her.”

 

 

Anya smiled “You should have seen her, she looked like a feral kitten. She absolutely didn’t want any help of any sort, and she was as stubborn as a mule.” Clarke tried to imagine Lexa like that but, except for the stubbornness that seemed to have been always in her, she couldn’t separate Lexa’s image from the sophisticated and smart woman she worked for.

 

 

“We stayed in the same house for a couple of years, and she got used to me. I guess she liked me because I minded my own business and let her came closer according to her will. I was studying to be a mechanic and I taught her some of the work.”

 

 

“Lexa? A mechanic?” It was harder and harder for her to keep faith in Anya’s word. “I know… but she’s not bad herself. You should see her car, she bought this outrageously old Camaro some years ago and told me she was going to fix it herself. I tried to stop her but well… Lexa. But she did a pretty good job.”

 

 

Clarke simply nodded, curious to know more and more about the woman that kept populating her mind and her dreams. “I got away to work in a workshop the minute I got eighteen, but we kept in touch and when the time came she moved in with me. She’s pretty much the only family I’ve ever had.”

 

 

Clarke wasn’t sure how to reply to all of that, when Anya stopped the car, parking right in front of her apartment. There was a blonde figure right outside her door, and she realised in that moment that she must have been late for her appointment with Niylah.

 

“I’m sorry Anya, I really have to go. Thank you for the ride. And for what you told me.”

 

Anya just nodded “You know, I have no idea about how the things are between you and Lexa now, and she would probably kill me if she’d find out I’ve told you this, but as the older sister, I feel obliged to tell you that she really cares about you. She may not be the best at showing it, but she does.”

 

 

Clarke just looked at her, the desire of making more questions stronger now than ever. But in the end she simply nodded, realising it wasn’t from Anya she wanted answers. 

“Thanks Anya.”

 

*

 

The week after passed slowly, and Clarke was still too immersed into her thoughts to fully realised everything that was happening around her. She had written a new article, and this time Lexa only gave her some suggestions by email, telling her she did a good job. 

 

 

She hadn’t been able to actually see her the whole week, just stealing some glances from the office door when she passed in front of it and it was accidentally open. She wasn’t sure if Lexa was avoiding her, now ashamed of having revealed so much of herself to a person she knew so little about, and who hadn’t exactly been friendly with her.

 

 

There were moments she doubted herself, her judgment towards the whole situation. Had she been overreacting for what Lexa did? Or has she forgiven her too easily? A part of her, still hurt and wary, screamed for her to leave Lexa alone. To punish her for her behaviour, ignoring her. But another voice told her the exact opposite, esorting her to get closer, to open herself to this new absurd feeling.

 

 

So she had been dragging herself for the whole week in the office, trying to not appear more pensive than usual, with distressing results. For the first time in years, she wished she had listened to her mom advices and got into med school instead. At least, she could have been far away from infuriatingly beautiful and complicate reporters.

 

 

“A penny for your thoughts.”

 

 

She jolted on her desk earing the too familiar voice behind her. Lexa was looking at her from her office doors, leaning on the doorstep with unusual ease. She was wearing a tailored suit, one that Clarke had never seen on her before and that seemed to put in evidence all the things in Lexa’s body that were hunting Clarke in her dreams. Somehow, that detail didn’t help her at all.

 

 

“Oh. Hi Lexa… I mean, Miss Woods. I was just thinking about the suggestions you made for my new article…”

She knew Lexa could read right through her, but she kindly decided to let it go, simply smiling at her.

 

 

“If it’s only my notes you’re thinking about then I can steal your attention for a while. I need you and Reyes to come with me.”

 

 

Well, that was unusual. “Why?” she said, even if the real question that was running through her mind was why do you want Raven to come with us?

 

 

Lexa just looked at her, but Clarke had gotten used to catch the glimpse of emotions in Lexa’s eyes, and she could see right now she was eager to tell her.

“I thought about what you’ve told me. About my teaching methods. And I’ve decided I need to step up my game. After all, you and Reyes are still my interns.”

 

 

Clarke felt a hint of worrying running through her “So?”

 

 

Lexa smiled then, a crafty smile Clarke had never seen on her and that, without any doubts, was going to be back to haunt her in her sleep “So I’m taking you two on a field trip.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back with a new chapter of this story! I wanted it to be longer, but I realised with the new work and all it's not super easy to find time to write, and I really didn't want to make you wait too long for an update. I wanted to thank everyone for the kind messages of good luck, it was really nice! I hope you liked this chapter, as usual let me know what you think. I hope I'll be able to update soon, though I'm not making any promises!


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke checked for the umpteenth time that all her documents were in the right place, waiting with Raven in the check-in line. They had to stop at home to get some clothes before running to the airport, where Lexa was waiting for them.

“So, are you sure the Commander hasn’t bad intentions with us? I’m pretty sure she hates me…”

 

Clarke sighed “She doesn’t. And stop calling her like that…” Raven looked at her with a confused expression “Please… It’s just… I think she’s doing something nice for us. We should be grateful.”

 

 

At least Clarke hoped it was something nice. Lexa hadn’t exactly been talkative about their destination, she had just let them know they were going to Washington for a couple of days, and to bring with them something elegant to wear.

 

 

Raven kept staring nervously at her ticket, and Clarke grew immediately tired of her anxiety; she had already hers to keep at bay. “What’s wrong Raven? You’ve always loved flying.”

 

 

Raven nodded “Yes… it’s not that. It’s just that I have the row 13. I don’t really love that.” Clarke laughed “You gotta be kidding me… You need to stop with this superstitious thing. Last time you poured some salt we basically had to made a shower in it, it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Look I know it’s crap, but I’ve been raised like this. I can’t help but feeling anxious.”

 

Clarke checked her seat, that was in row 45, and sighed “I can switch with you, it’s not a big deal.” Raven’s smiled at her, a relief expression on her face “Thanks, that would be great.”

 

 

They chit chatted some more, trying to guess what was expecting them in Washington, but Clarke’s mind seemed to be entrapped in the thought of spending the next two days with Lexa. The idea excited and terrified her at the same time, as everything that had to do with the other woman. She felt different around Lexa, as she could be herself without being judged or scolded, and yet the idea that Lexa could so easily tricked her again was constantly around the corner, making it impossible for her to feel completely at ease with the other woman.

 

 

She got on the plain and waved a goodbye to Raven, that went quickly into her spot, maybe afraid that Clarke might suddenly change her mind. She walked toward her place, thinking she was in luck the flight wasn’t going to last long; she hadn’t had the time to pick up a book or anything to read and she hated to don’t have one in planes. 

 

 

She had just found her place when she realised that the seat next to hers was occupied by a familiar face. “Lexa?”

 

 

Lexa raised her head from the newspaper she was reading and her eyes dilated slightly when she recognized her. “Clarke? What are you doing here?”

 

 

Clarke looked at her with a confused look “You asked me and Raven to come here?”

Lexa nodded “Yes, I mean, this is Reyes place.”

 

Clarke nodded, seating next to her to let to let a hostess pass in the hallway “Yes, but it’s row 13, and Raven is kind of terrified by superstitious thing. So we switched.”

 

 

Lexa seemed taken aback for a moment, and Clarke started to think that maybe it wasn’t a casualty her place was supposed to be far away from Lexa’s.

“You know your place was in first class, right?”

 

Clarke stopped, looking at her, shaking her head “Damn Raven. She’s going to pay for this.”

 

 

Lexa gave her a little smile, but Clarke could sensed that there was something out of place in her way of being.

 

 

“Anyway, why didn’t you take the nice spot for yourself?” Lexa shrugged “There was only one seat left in first. I didn’t want you to think the council treats me any different from you.”

“They should. With all the work you do.” Lexa’s smiled grow a little at that “You’re still in time to switch if you hurry.”

 

 

Lexa bit her lip with nervousness and Clarke couldn't help but fixate her eyes on her lips. She recover just in time to not be seen by Lexa, that was still waiting for her to answer.

“Do you prefer having Raven next to you for the rest of the trip?”

 

It was a peculiar question, she knew it, but Lexa looked just for a second in her eyes before answering “No. Stay.”

 

 

She relaxed on her seat then, waiting for the plane to take off. Lexa returned her eyes on the newspaper, but Clarke could see that her eyes were fixed on the same position for minutes, and she couldn’t help but wonder what thoughts were storming on Lexa’s mind in that moment. 

“So, what are we going to do in DC?”

 

 

Lexa cleared her throat, looking in front of her while the plane started to move.

“I’ve found a contact of mine that was able to find the pass for a charity event. One of the biggest that take place in the capitol. Everyone that matters in the politics scenario is going to be there, vice president included. But we are following some smaller fish for now.”

 

 

The plane started to take off and Clarke saw Lexa’s right hand became pale with the efforts of squeeze the armrest under her. She paused and Clarke wondered if her boss was somehow afraid to flight.

“Lexa… are you okay? Are you afr…”

“No!” Lexa said with her voice level a little higher than usual.  “Everything’s fine. I just don’t like this part.”

 

Clarke stay silent for some seconds then, watching with worries the woman next to her closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

 

 

What she did next, she did without thinking so much about it. She reached out to hold Lexa’s hand in hers, and after a second of reluctance, Lexa let go of the armrest to hold it back. It was almost painful for a second, the strength with which Lexa was holding onto her, but the she let it go a little, breathing deeply “Sorry, I didn’t mean to squeeze so hard.”

 

 

She blushed, and Clarke couldn’t help but stare down at it as if it was the most extraordinary sight she had ever seen. How could Lexa go from being the cold and pragmatic leader she was in the office to the shy, cute girl in front of her was a complete mystery for Clarke.

 

 

“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” But Lexa seemed to be far from calm, and Clarke tried to come up with something for distracting her, at least until the take off was over.

“Let’s talk about something else. Let's do the question game.”

 

Lexa stilled a little at that, but Clarke started to design reassuring circular patterns on Lexa hand with her thumbs. The truth was that Clarke was in desperate need for a distraction too, since her whole body seemed on fire just for having touched Lexa’s hand. Which was softer than she had imagined, and incredibly warm. She tried not to focus too much on Lexa’s tapered fingers, and she thanked God Lexa’s eyes were still close.

“I’ll start. Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee” Lexa’s voice sounded as tensed has her body was.

“That was an easy guess. Sea or mountains?”

“For holidays or in general?”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes a little at the perfectionism that lexa seemed to keep even at time like that, smiling anyway.

“In general.”

“Mountains. It would be mountains even for holidays thought.”

 

Clarke shocked her head “How old are you?”

Lexa smiled slightly then and Clarke felt her relaxing some more next to her “I’m thirty.”

“What?? I thought you were older!”

Lexa opened her eyes then, glanching her with an offended look “I beg your pardon?”

 

Clarke blushed “No I mean… not for the look. You are…” Clarke tried to bring out words that could describe Lexa without appearing like she had thought too much about her look, which she had, but it  seemed to be extremely hard for her brain to came up with a coherent thought in that moment “You are perfect. For your age.”

 

 

Clarke sighed. She was being ridiculous. “I meant I always thought you must be at least ten years older than me to have achieved so much. It’s extraordinary you made it in half of the time.”

 

Lexa didn’t seemed exactly bought by that, but she nodded “So, that means you are a little old for a intern, aren’t you Clarke?”

“You are right, but I did two years of med school before dropping out and go to journalism.”

 

 

Lexa eyes were open now, but her grip on Clarke’s hand didn’t seemed to falter “Why did you drop?”

“I’ve already told you I have some issues with my mom. I was doing med school just because she wanted me to. I was late with my exams, always miserable. It wasn’t for me. Or, if you’d like to listen to my mom, I’m a quitter. She told me that so many times I started to believe it’s true.”

 

 

Lexa stayed in silent for a while before looking directly at her, her green gaze brighter than usual “You didn’t quit this job even after… everything. I don’t think you’re a quitter Clarke. We just can’t force ourselves to be someone we are not.”

“Then how come you are so good at pretending to be a cold person with everyone?”

 

Lexa sighed, looking away “Because that’s who I am. Because it’s easy to turn people away than to let them in. Not with everyone maybe…” she paused for a second “It seemed like I’m not able to do that with you.”

 

 

Lexa moved her hand, interlocking their fingers together. She waited before tighten her grip thought, waiting for Clarke to retract whenever she wanted. Clarke couldn’t help but hold her back, confused and thrilled by Lexa’s words.

“I hope that’s not a negative thing.”

 

 

Lexa smiled softly then, and Clarke was sure she could have lost herself in that emerald gaze of hers “No, it’s not.” 

 

 

Clarke wanted to had something, to ask Lexa questions, trying to not let that moment end, to not let go of Lexa’s hand for the entire flight, but a elettronic sounds over their head signaled that the passengers could now walk freely in the plane, and the moment was gone.

 

 

Lexa gave her an apologetic look “I’m sorry for this. I’m usually more controlled than that.” Her tone and her expression dissipate any doubts Clarke had about the bizarre selection of seats; Lexa hadn’t want to be seated next to her for that particular reason.

 

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Clarke smiled, and she felt a renewed intimacy between them, as if the initial connection they both had felt texting each other at the beginning was slowly rebuilt between them.

 

 

Before Lexa could answer though, they were interrupted by raven’s familiar voice, quickly approaching them. Lexa let go of her hand has it were on fire and Clarke was glad about that; it would have been hard to explain that to her friend.

 

 

“Miss Woods, did you know my place was in first class?” Raven seemed as happy as a child and Clarke smiled unintentionally at her friend’s happiness. “Yes Reyes, I was aware. As I was telling Griffin some minutes ago, I didn’t want to take advantage of my position too much.”

 

 

Raven seemed to be enthusiastic about that, and smiled at Clarke before giving her a small frown “Are you alright Clarke? Your face looks flustered.” Clarke coughed, caught by surprise, but Lexa kidly step in to save her, her tone returned to its normal efficacy.

“It was pretty hot in here before, they didn’t turn on the air conditioning immediately. It must be that.”

 

Raven didn’t seemed to give that a second thought, she was evidently too eager to go back to her rich spot “So, I’ve come here to ask you where are we going? I do enjoy surprises, but there is a limit.”

 

Lexa nodded “As I told Clarke earlier, we are going to Washington to attend a charity event. Clarke mentioned me the other day how hard it was to reach out to the candidates to the major seat of Polis, so I pull some strings. They are both going to be there tomorrow night. I want you to find a way to talk to reach out to them and get some informations. You’re not going to have much time, so it’s important you both select the right questions. To each a candidate, the one that gets the best article done for sunday evening gets the first page.”

 

 

Raven eyebrows arched slightly “I have no idea who my candidate is. Clarke starts ahead.”

 

Lexa simply glanched her “Life is rarely fair Reyes. I emailed you all the information you need, you have a day to memorize them.”

 

Raven seemed to take the hint, because she rushed back to her place with a goodbye wave. Clarke felt finally free to look at Lexa’s face again, convinced a single look would have betrayed her with Raven “So you’re stepping up your teaching game by putting me and Raven into a competition?”

 

 

Lexa shrugged “A little competition never hurted anyone. It’s an incentive.” And it was a good one. Usually it was almost impossible for an intern to have one of his article in the newspaper’s first page. to be honest, Clarke was already enjoying the sense of challenge of it all. Her and Raven were good friends, but she knew the other girl was very good at her job. She wanted to be the best, she wanted Lexa to see she was the best.

“And it’s going to be educative for both of you, no matter the results. The political scenario is like a tank full of sharks, and you need to learn how to swim in it.”

 

 

Clarke simply nodded, her mind already at work on the best possible questions to give to her candidate, and Lexa seemed to understand that “You should start working too. I bet Reyes is not going to let you have an easy winning.”

 

*******

 

Lexa walked out from the hotel’s elevator taking a deep breath, trying to keep her thoughts in order. It was pretty late and she was supposed to be sleeping, getting ready for the mental exhaustion that the next day was going to bring her.

 

 

And yet, her brain seemed to have a plan on its own, deciding to replay over and over the moment Clarke had reach out to hold her hand in the plane, the soft feeling of her skin on hers, the way Clarke’s eyed shined when Lexa had finally relaxed… It had taken all of her courage to interlock her fingers with Clarke's, not knowing at all how the girl would've reacted to that. And yet, she hadn't been able to stop herself. Just a simple touch was enough for Lexa to desire more, to crave it like oxygen.

 

 

She shook her head, trying to get those thoughts far away from her mind. She walked over the hotel’s bar, decided to drink something to try to calm her mind, or at least bargain some hours of sleep. The fact that she seemed incapable of thinking about something that wasn’t Clarke was a reality she had do deal with daily, and knowing there was nothing she could do about it really exhausted her. Maybe that trip was a terrible idea.

 

 

Of course, it was a rare occasion to be able to participate to events such a this, specially for interns, and she was aware that both Clarke and Raven were enthusiastic about it. She, however, didn’t seemed to have thought the whole thing through.

 

 

She ordered a whisky and soda, knowing pretty well she was going to regret it the day after, and took her phone to text Anya. In that moment, she raised her head just in time to see the object of her attention walk in circle on the hotel terrace, talking animatedly on the phone.

 

 

It was none of Lexa’s business, but Clarke seemed pretty upset about the conversation, her free hand fiddling nervously with her golden hair. Lexa diverted her eyes before Clarke noticed her intrusion, she really didn’t need to add that to her list of inappropriate behaviour. She shipped her drink and looked around the almost empty bar, finding Clarke’s laptop and some scrawled notes on one of the table; Clarke had been probably working before the phone call, and Lexa felt a wave of pride surge inside her. Clarke seemed to have taken her task seriously, and Lexa was honestly curious to see the results of her work.

 

 

When Clarke was done with her phone call, she returned with a restless expression to her table, spotting Lexa on the bar counter just seconds before sitting back down. Lexa saw her frown for a second before blushing, seemed like a child caught looking for trouble.

 

 

For a moment, she seemed undecided on what to do, and a part of Lexa fliebly hoped she would just keep going with her study; it was getting harder and harder to keep track of thoughts around Clarke, to remember that she was in no position to be so amazed with Clarke’s beautiful face and complex thoughts.

 

 

But Clarke approached slowly and Lexa heart seemed to skip a beat at the idea of being close to her again. 

“Was I giving a good show?” Lexa almost blushed.

“Well… it was hard not to hear you.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows “Did I wake you up?”

More than that, you kept me up; she thought before smiling lightly “You weren’t that loud. I can’t seemed to find rest tonight.” 

 

 

They stayed in silent then, even though it wasn’t as awkward as it used to be. Clarke’s presence around her seemed to make her more and more at ease.

“Can I offer you something?”

 

 

Lexa gestured the bar and Clarke seemed to reflect on it “I would really love a drink right now. But I have a feeling it won’t do any good for my work skills tomorrow…”

Lexa nodded “Wise… I have to admit I’m not as such.”

 

 

Clarke smiled “I guess I could get a tea or something. Just to keep you company.”

Lexa’s whole body seemed to lit up at that, the idea of having more time with Clarke making her feel like she had butterflies in her stomach.

 

 

Clarke ordered and she gestured Lexa to go and sit at her table, and she was eager to oblige, the sleepness long forgotten.

“So, who is taking care of Gustus while you’re away?”

 

 

Lexa smiled, genuinely surprised by Clarke’s thoughtfulness “He’s with Anya. She sends me photo updates every now and then, I don’t really trust her with my cat and I have good reasons not to.”

She took her phone and showed Clarke a picture of Gustus with a pirate patch on his left eye and pirate hat on his head. He didn’t seemed very impressed by the whole thing, and Clarke laughed. Honestly, Lexa was ready to dress her cat as anything Clarke wanted just to watch her laugh like that again.

 

 

“Poor Gustus, you’d be better return to him quickly.” Lexa nodded “I’m planning to.” she looked down at Clarke’s notes and the girl quickly took them out of her sight “They aren’t ready. That phone call kept me busy for quite some time.”

 

 

Lexa was pretty curious to know what the phone call had been about, but she didn’t want to force Clarke to tell her something she didn’t wish to share. The expression on her face told Lexa she was reflecting about that, probably wondering if she should tell Lexa or not.

 

 

“It was my mom.” She finally said with a sigh, and Lexa could easily read the sadness in her tone. “Clarke, you don’t have to tell me anything. I just hope you’re not too upset.”

 

 

Clarke smiled sadly “I should be used to her… displays of affections. She lives here in DC and she was insisting that I go to visit her.”

 

 

It didn’t sound that bad, but Lexa just nodded “How did she know you’re here?” She remembered Clarke told her she wasn’t often in touch with her mom.

“Raven put a picture of us in the hotel bedroom on Instagram and tagged me. She must have seen it.”

 

 

Clarke shook her head “For a moment I thought it was a good idea. It’s been a while and I actually liked the idea of stopping by her house. She remarried with a really nice guy and they had a kid. I don’t see him often and I’m sorry about that, I wish I could be a better sister for him.” 

 

 

She sighed, looking very upset by the whole thing, and Lexa wished she could have just reached out as Clarke had done for her in the moment of need. But she knew the dynamics were different now, and she didn’t want to impose on Clarke any unwelcome contact.

 

 

“Then she started talking about how great it would have been for me to stop by the hospital where she works, to see what a fantastic internship program they have there.” Her tone was getting more and more sarcastic, her eyes brightening up with an angered light “I told her I was here for my work. My actual real work that I chose for myself and she started again with the whole “writing is not a career, you’re not good enough to earn from it, you should grow up”. I hung up on her before saying something I would regret.”

 

 

Lexa shifted uncomfortably on her chair. She wasn’t good with family advice, and she found herself at lost of something smart to say. In the end, she just shrugged, smiling honestly to Clarke “I think you have the potential to be a successful journalist, Clarke. And not to offend your mom, but I think I’m slightly more qualified than her in this field.”

 

 

Clarke shook her head “Are you sure your opinion is not biased?”. Lexa thought back at the first time she went to Clarke’s house, about how eager Clarke was to be reassured about her talent. With a parent like that, Lexa wasn’t really surprised about Clarke’s low self-esteem.

 

 

“I told you before and tell you again now. I would have never hired you or used your article if I didn’t honestly think you were good. It doesn’t matter how…” Lexa stopped the phrase before it was too late. How beautiful she was? How into her Lexa was? None of those sentences would have helped in that moment. Clarke seemed to understand, because she didn’t insisted “I assure you, this is my professional opinion as a journalist and as chief of Polis Today.” she smiled “You just need to keep the hard work going, and you’ll be able to do anything you want. I’m really curious to see what you came out with for tomorrow.”

 

 

Clarke blushed at Lexa’s whole speech, and she wondered if she had put too much passion in it. It didn’t really mattered though, since it seemed to have the right effects on Clarke.

“I should put myself at work then. I still have some programs I have to read..” Lexa nodded, taking her cue to leave Clarke alone. She finished her drink in a long ship and got up, feeling slightly better than before.

 

 

“Don’t get too tired. You’ll need to be at your best tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that an advice you should follow too?” Lexa smiled, happy that the normal, cheeky Clarke was back.

“Absolutely. Good night Clarke.”

 

 

Clarke looked at her for a moment, and something in her gaze seemed to change. There was something in it Lexa hadn’t seen or noticed before, some sort of affection that hit straight right to her core.

“Good night Lexa. And thank you”

 

 

Lexa just nodded, turning her back on the girl, knowing perfectly well that a sleepless night was waiting for her, filled with piercing blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! As you can see, I'm trying to update as fast as I can, but it's a little unpredictable and it depends mostly on what my girlfriend makes me do during the weekend (she seems to love going out of the house when it's -2 degrees), but I do hope to be able to write more during the holidays. I hope you liked the chapter, and mostly I hope you like the fact that I'm exploring a little more of the characters personality! As usual let me know what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke looked at her reflection on the mirror, breathing deeply. She felt nervous, something that had rarely happened to her during her internship. The fact was that, this time, she seriously wanted to win. She wanted to prove to Lexa, and herself, that she was a good journalist.

 

And not only because her mother’s phone call the other night, but because she needed it. She wanted it. She thought that lexa really had a good idea with that challenge, but she quickly diverted the flux of her thoughts. It wasn’t a good idea to think about Lexa in that moment. She needed to stay focus.

 

There was a knock on the door, and Clarke smiled while she was finishing to apply her makeup “Come on in Raven, the door is open.” Her friend, as her, had dressed to impress and Clarke looked at her from head to toe with admiration “Wow Raven, you look amazing.”

 

Raven smiled “Well, you didn’t actually think I was going to let you play your cards without trying something myself.”

“My cards?”

Raven pointed at her cleavage “The girls. I can’t compete with that, but that doesn’t mean you have won already.”

Clarke rolled her eyes “Raven, they’re not going to look at my cleavage…”

Her friend laughed “They’re politicians!”

 

Clarke shook her head, knowing that there was a good chance her friend might be right. But she hadn’t really thought about that when she had chosen this dress. Her mind might have navigated more towards Lexa’s reaction to it that her interviewee.

 

“Anyway, you look amazing too.” Raven said “And I have to say Miss Woods looks hot as hell… That woman knows how to choose an outfit.”

 

“You’ve seen her?” Clarke turned around from the mirror a little bit too quickly, and Raven’s expression turned a little confused “Well yes, she said she was going to wait for us downstairs…” her confusion turned to wondering in a second “Do you think she’s going to call a limo for us? That would be so cool…”

 

Clarke breathed deeply and thanked her friend’s light spirit, she hadn’t been exactly subtly about her interest toward Lexa lately. She adjusted her make-up one last time, giving herself a look from head to toe. She had opted for a long ivory dress, which shined with the light reflection everytime she moved. She hadn’t had much time after Lexa told them they were going away, so she had simply taken the most elegant clothes in her closet, the one she had only worn one time before, at her mom’s second wedding. 

 

She was aware she was going to be underdressed for an occasion like that, but she didn’t really have much of a choice. Raven seemed to think the same in her red cocktail dress “We are far away from the friday’s party at the Ark, aren’t we?”

 

Clarke just nodded “Let’s go show them what we’ve got.”

  
  


They took the elevator in silence, both thinking about their mission for the evening, and Clarke tried her best to stay focused on her target. She kept telling herself that now wasn’t the time to act like a teenager with her first crush, not with her career on the stake. She wanted to win.

 

These thoughts were abruptly interrupted when she laid eyes on Lexa, who was waiting for them right outside of the elevator. Raven’s words had been extremely reductive on how handsome Lexa was in that moment, wearing a well-fitted black suit with a loose necktie. Her hair was loose and Clarke couldn’t stop her mind from imagining how it would feel to run her fingers through her silky curls.

 

But it wasn’t only her outfit, it was also her confident expression, the special aura that her figure emanated. There was a determinate glint in her eyes that told Clarke that Lexa had left her shy personality in a corner, dragging out the fierce leader mask she was so good at wearing, ready for night that was heading ahead of them. 

 

Clarke breathed deeply. Lexa seemed determined to make things harder for her, but she wasn’t going to give up so easily. Lexa looked up from her phone in that moment, noticing them. Her expression seemed to wave a little when she looked at Clarke, taking in her figure, but it was just for a moment, and Clarke wondered if she hadn’t just imagined it.

 

“Are you ready to go?” Lexa didn’t actually wait for an answer, turning towards the hotel’s exit before one of them could say anything. “Remember, this might seem like an innocent charity event, but it’s much more than that. People come here to build alliances, to exchange favours and to show themselves off. Be careful of everything you say and don’t trust anyone.”

 

Raven laughed “You’re talking about it as if we were going to war Miss Woods.” Lexa’s expression stayed neutral then, turning towards them before going in the car “For certain aspects, it is. A cold war you don’t want to find yourselves in the middle off. I have some personal matters to take care off, but if you have any doubts or any problems, just come to me, alright?”

 

They both nodded, and Clarke felt her heartbeat increase slightly. She was ready for this.

 

 

*****

 

 

As it turned out Clarke was not, indeed, ready for it. Everything at the charity event made her reconsidering her social status in life. Raven, next to her had been more taken aback than her “You would think they could just stop having this parties and donate directly to charity. I’m pretty sure they could end world hunger with the food they have here.”

 

Clarke laughed then, trying to shake off the feeling of being a fish out of the water in there with little success. Now, almost an hour later, the feeling was still there, burning in her chest. She had individuated her target, the republican candidate Dante Wallace, and she had been observing him from a safe distance, sipping from her glass of wine every now and then. There was a band playing in the bigger room dedicated to the event, and some light jazz music was making the atmosphere even more weird to her. Some people were dancing not so far from her, and Clarke threw some glance to them, wishing she could do that as well instead of being there, her stomach creeping with anxiety at the idea of talking with Dante.

 

As he stopped talking with some congressmen Clarke didn’t know and turned towards the table to get another drink, Clarke decided that was her chance. She straightened her back, walking towards him with a false confidence she hoped was enough to start a conversation, but as soon as the man noticed her, he gave her a knowing smile, like he had been waiting for her to approach him.

 

“I was wondering when you would’ve decided to finally come and talk to me, Miss…” Clarke tried to not seem too surprised at that, of course she had been noticed. “Griffin, Clarke Griffin.”

 

Dante nodded and sipped his drink. He was an old man, but still very elegant in his appearance, and Clarke found herself at ease with his kind smile. In the back of her head Lexa’s word resonated like an alarm: she couldn't trust this man any more than he could trust her.

 

“So Miss Griffin, I wonder what such a distinct lady as you could possibly want from this old man.”  Clarke smiled, trying to be as charming as possible “I probably should make up some excuses, but I have a feeling that honesty is the way to go with you. I work for Polis Today, I’m a journalist.”

 

The man’s eyes shined a little at that “An honest person. What a rarity in days such as these. You are right, I do appreciate it. I also already knew who you are Miss Griffin, you gave an hard time to my secretary lately. I admit I would have been quite disappointed if you’d lie to me.”

 

Clarke smiled “So if you already knew who I am, I think you know exactly why I am here.” Dante stopped or a second, looking at the dancers around them “You want me to tell you about my program if I am to win the election. Mayor Jaha has been doing a good job in the past years, but we both know I am gaining more and more consent. People like me.”

 

Clarke smirked “People seemed to like your anti-crime policy. You want to enforce the police system and their presence on the street. If you allow me to say it, it’s a classic right move.”

 

Dante laughed sharply “Of course it is. It’s what people expect me to do. I just give them what they want.”

“Some people.” Clarke gestured vaguely “Others might be interested in other aspect of your campaign. I think it would be wise for a politician to try to expand his base of voters, or am I wrong?”

 

Dante nodded, a pleased smile on his face “I see Miss Woods has a good eye for her employees.” Clarke tried to play it cool, without looking too much interested when she asked “Do you know Miss Woods?”

 

“Of course I know her. It’s not an easy one, your boss. But a great reporter, I am one of her most affectionate reader.” Clarke thought about how most of Lexa’s articles and basically the whole newspaper line was quite against Wallace’s politics.

 

“You don’t need to agree on something to appreciate a good adversary miss Griffin, the whole politics scenario is based on this rule and on its contrary. Among these people, there are many that hate each others, even if they are under the same flag. The point is, knowing what your boss thoughts are on me, how can you expect me to answer your questions?”

 

Clarke looked at him in the eyes, finding in herself a spirit she had never experienced before. She felt like she was hunting, and her prey was getting closer. She knew exactly what to do know.

 

“Because if you don’t, Mayor Jaha is going to. Right now my colleague is interviewing him, asking exactly the same questions I want to ask you, and since he has a more… talky personality, I don’t think she’s going to have any problems colletting his answers. So unless you give me something better, he’s going to find himself in the first page next week. And maybe your anti-crime policy won’t be enough this time. It’s a close run after all.”

 

Dante simply raised an eyebrow, and for a moment Clarke thought it wasn’t going to be enough, that he was just going to laugh about her pathetic and bold attempt and going away without another word. Then he smiled, and nodded “Very well Miss Griffin. You gained some answers, choose your questions well.”

 

 

*****

  
  
  


Clarke was listening carefully to Dante’s answer, not wanting to miss any possible uncertainty that she could have used in her article. He was giving her some material to work on, finally, but she knew better than to trust him to be completely honest with her. Still, she knew she could finally write something good for the newspaper, and she didn’t want to miss anything.

 

After an initial reticence, the man seemed happy to talk about his plans for the city, and even though there were some points of his program that Clarke didn’t agree with, she had to admit that he was a capable politician. 

 

She was about to ask her last question when they were abruptly interrupted by a young man, that walked towards them with an aura of superiority, like he belonged exactly in that luxurious party.  He gave her an interested glance, scanning her from head to toe, and Clarke felt extremely uncomfortable under his gaze. When he noticed the recorder she was holding in her hand, his expression became annoyed.

 

“Working even now? Do you ever stop?”

Dante noticed him and smiled “Someone has to, Cage.” There was a second of silence, and Clarke felt the discomfort grow, until Dante moved his eyes from the man’s figure to hers “You need to excuse me miss Griffin, my son hasn’t mastered the art of a polite conversation yet.”

 

Clarke was surprised then and looked more carefully at the young man “Your son?” There was a resemblance, but Clarke was able to see that only now that she knew.  “Yes, Cage Wallace, my son and campaign manager. Cage, this charming young lady is Clarke Griffin, from Polis Today. We were just having a little chat about our election program.”

 

Cage returned his gaze on her and she could see in it a light she didn’t like at all “For this kind of questions there is the PR office.”  Clarke smiled, trying not to show any intimidation. She was new on the field, but she did recognise the kind of man Cage was. “Your PR office is pretty cryptic Mr Wallace, it’s hard to find clear information. And you wouldn’t want to see unconfirmed news published.”

 

“That wouldn’t be great for your reputation either, Miss Griffin.” Cage seemed now less annoyed about her presence, but Clarke still felt uncomfortable under his gaze, making her feel like she was under a microscope.

 

“We agree on that. So I’ve come directly to the source. Your father was kind enough to answer my questions.” Cage looked at her like he doubted his father would be kind in anyway, but he didn’t reply. He shrugged and finished his glass of wine in a sip.

 

“Well then, if you’re done, I would love to leave work behind for one night.” Clarke wished she had had more time to talk with Dante, but still she had all the information she came for. So when Dante nodded, she took her cue to leave.

 

“So, would you give me this dance, Miss Griffin?” Before she could even register his question, before she could say no, Cage had already taken her hand and drove her away from his father, directly to the dancefloor.

 

Cage’s arm surrounded her, holding her close to him while he lead both of them in the slow rhythm of the song. Clarke didn’t like at all to be so close to him, nor the way he was touching her, but she knew better than to say anything. Like everything there that evening, that was also a power game, and she knew that making at scene in that moment meant to lose.

 

Cage seemed pretty pleased of himself because he smirked “We’re not in Kansas anymore, are we Dorothy?”

 

Clarke smiled “Since I’m Dorothy in this scenario, are you supposed to be Toto?”

 

Cage laughed softly “You think you’re so smart… Do you have any idea of how many pretty girls like you have stumbled here, looking for their chance of fame? This is not a place for pretty girls.”

 

“And yet, you were annoyed I was talking to your father. You would’ve preferred I came directly to you, right?”  Cage didn’t show any reaction then, but Clarke felt his body tense against hers “My father is a great politician. He had an amazing career but you know… He’s starting to get old. He doesn’t get the people how he used to. He needs to understand that my view on the programs is more fresh, more appealing.”

 

Clarke shrugged “To me, it seemed like your father knows perfectly well what he’s doing.” Cage smile became angrier while his grip on her tighten, in a way that made Clarke worried for the first time that evening. Maybe she had played too close to the fire.

 

“That’s because you still haven’t heard my version. I would love to give you a private interview…” Clarke felt her heart start beating furiously in her chest. She had to get away from that situation, no matter what.

 

She was about to push him away when a familiar voice interrupted them, making Cage stop in his track “May I have this dance?” She turned around to see Lexa’s impassible expression, and she felt her anxiety lower significantly. If Lexa was there, she was going to be okay.

 

Cage looked more annoyed than before at her presence, but kept his voice neutral “And what makes you think I would do such a thing as dancing with you, Woods?”

 

Lexa gave him a cold smile “Nothing. I wasn’t talking to you, but with Clarke.” Cage expression waved a little then, but he didn’t let go of his grip on Clarke’s body.

“Are you in the habit of dancing with all yours employee?”

 

Lexa didn’t falter for a second “You should be the last person to speak about inappropriate behaviour with your employees, we both know that.”

For the first time in that evening, Cage’s expression turned into pure rage, his role completely forgotten “I will find a way to bury you and that revolting newspaper of yours Woods. You can’t avoid me forever.”

 

He let go of Clarke and stormed away from the dancefloor, leaving Clarke breathless. Lexa, like nothing had happened, took her hand and hold her close, resuming the rhythm of the song like nothing had happened.

 

Only in that moment, finally safe in Lexa’s arm, Clarke realised she was trembling. Her other hand was still in the air, not sure what to do; she had never felt so paralyzed. Lexa noticed that and moved her hand to her hips, while she hold the other with hers on her chest.

 

“Clarke, breathe. You did good. Now breathe deeply.” She whispered softly to her, leading her in the dance. Clarke did as she was told, noticing she was gaining again control of her body “I’m sorry about him, they told me he wasn’t going to be here. If I had known before I wouldn’t have sent you alone to talk to Dante.”

 

Clarke looked at her “You know him? Cage?” Lexa nodded, a disgusted expression on her face “Unfortunately. He’s a criminal. He had many charges for harassment and violent behaviour during the years, but his father’s name always got him out of trouble. Dante risked many times to lose his career because of him.”

 

Clarke nodded, still feeling a little dizzy. She was glad Lexa was there, supporting her “Did you try to investigate him?” Lexa nodded “Some years ago, it didn’t pass a day I didn’t find some dirt on him… Now he’s more careful, but one day… He’s going to pay once and for all.”

 

Clarke breathed again “I didn’t find anything on him while I was researching on Dante.” “That’s because they covered most of it. They are good, I have to admit that. But don’t worry about him, he won’t bother you anymore.”

 

For the first time since Cage had appeared, Clarke sincerely smiled “He did seemed pretty scared from you.” Lexa restrained a smile “If he does something to you, then he would have to be really scared. He just knows I’m not someone he can take risks with.”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Clarke looked at her in the eyes, but Lexa moved hers “I hope this is not uncomfortable for you. It’s just until the next song... It was the best way to avoid too many people noticing what was happening. You’ve seen how Cage temper is.” Clarke nodded “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

 

The last time they danced, it had been that terrible night, at the club. Clarke tried not to think about it, but the memory was inevitable. Feeling again Lexa’s body so close to hers, her warm, her smell… Clarke wondered how it was possible for her to feel so safe and yet so afraid at the same time. She wanted to run and she wanted to never let go of her.

 

Lexa’s arm around her was nothing like Cage’s, it was a soft embrace, a reassurance, and Clarke found herself leaning on it without reserve. With her other hand, tightly held on Lexa’s chest, it almost seemed to her to be able to feel the other woman’s heartbeat. It was an intimus moment, as in that whole party, she couldn’t see anyone else but Lexa.

 

And yet, she was painfully aware of the multitude of people around them, too many for her liking. “What if Raven sees us?” She realised only in that moment what that could implicate for Lexa, and she looked around, trying to individuate her friend in the crowd.

 

“Don’t worry, I checked on her. Last time I saw her she was in a passionate debate about immigrants with Major Jaha in the other room. And in case she saw us, I’ll have to ask her to dance with me too. I would put it as a part of the internship.”

 

Clarke laughed, and Lexa’s eyes shined for a second. Clarke thought she could never get tired of seeing that happening. When the music stopped and Lexa pulled away, Clarke found herself wishing for more. 

 

She wanted to say something, to try to show Lexa all the emotions that were swirling in her soul, but when Lexa smiled she limited to smile back. 

 

It wasn’t the right time, nor the right place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm super sorry for the long wait, I really had too many things to do to find time for writing... Now I'm back on track and I'll try to update faster. I hope at least that the chapter was worth the wait! As usual if you want to leave me a comment it will be really appreaciated, and thank you again for the support. See you next time :)


	10. Chapter 10

“So, let’s toast to your first journalistic success. May it be the first of many.”

 

Lexa smiled and toasted her champagne glass with Clarke’s and Raven’s, and Clarke felt a thrill of excitement that she had rarely felt before. Despite the unfortunate encounter with Cage Wallace, she knew she had done a good job.

 

At the beginning of the evening she had felt awkward and out of place, but that feeling had been slowly dissipating. Right at that moment, celebrating with Lexa and Raven, she was relaxed and at ease.

 

Raven was, if possible, even more euphoric than her, her eyes shining and a big smile on her face.

“I have to admit it miss Woods, you had an amazing idea! Do journalists get to do this often?”

 

Lexa smiled “Unfortunately, you get to do this every now and ever, and only if you are really good, Ryes. But I wanted to show you that there is more to this job than sleepless nights and people than hung up on you, if you like this kind of thing.”

 

Clarke tilted her head to the side, incapable of not returning Lexa’s smile “And don’t you enjoy this kind of things, miss Woods?”

 

“Actually, not really. I’m more of an all work no fun kind of person. I’m sure you noticed.” They both laughed, and Clarke didn’t miss the playful look in Lexa’s eyes. She had never seen her like this, at ease talking with more than one people without her fearless leader attitude.

 

Raven had noticed that as well, because she seemed eager to ask Lexa any questions coming up in her mind “So do you have any advice for us newbies? I mean, at our age you already had a name in the industry.”

 

Lexa sipped from her glass for a second before replying “Well, first of all, you can’t build a career out of tips, Reyes.” Raven looked worried for a moment, but Lexa kept going “It takes a lot of practice and, maybe, a little bit of luck. But here’s a few things I can tell you from my experiences.”

 

Clarke tried her best not to roll her eyes at Lexa, who seemed to notice it. It was somehow weird to joke with her like that and exchange glances without anyone else’s noticing, as if sharing a secret only between the two of them.

There actually was a secret between them, she reminded herself.

 

“As I told you tonight, don’t trust anyone. And not only the people you interview, the people you write on, but also your colleagues, no matter how much you consider them to be friends. You never know who could turn your back on you.”

 

“Do you hear her Griffin? I’m keeping an eye on you…” Clarke nodded “Likewise Reyes.”  Lexa smiled “I know you are good friends, but…” 

Raven looked at her “You know?” Lexa stopped in her track, and Clarke opened slightly her mouth, but Lexa was quick to recover “Well I’m not blind, I saw you at work.”

 

Raven smiled “Yeah, we do make some noise sometimes.” Lexa nodded “Anyway, I’m serious. In this job the only one you can really trust, the one person you can rely on, is yourself. And this leads me to advise number two: always trust your guts.”

 

Clarke smiled and took a sip of her drink, she was definitely liking Lexa being some sort of journalist guru. “I worked with you two long enough to understand you both have potential, and I think you know it too. When you have a strange feeling for a story, a lie, a person, it’s usually true. You need to trust yourselves for this, because if you start doubting, that’s the moment you end up eaten in this world.”

 

“You make it sound horrible.” Raven looked around herself, to the beautiful place they were in and Lexa smiled “That’s the worst, isn’t it? It doesn’t look horrible at all, and yet it can drive you very low. That’s why I’m being repetitive with this concept. But you’re both still young, you’re going to learn it on your skin.”

 

She flinched her eyes towards Clarke, and she knew Lexa was thinking about what had happened to her before; for that Clarke had definitely learned a valuable lesson.

 

Raven started to talk about some instincts she had towards potential interviews, evidently happy that her boss had finally the time and the right mood to listen to her, but Clarke wasn’t really listening to her. She was completely focused on Lexa, the bright sparkle in her eyes, the curve of her barely hinted smile, the furtive glance that she threw at her from time to time.

 

Clarke looked at her glass, trying to put some order in her thoughts. She was supposed to be thinking about her article, about her next move, as Raven was doing. But the only thing she was thinking about over and over was the slow dance she had had with Lexa, their hand touching.

 

She had to put a stop to all of this, and put her hand on her career. She forced herself to listen to the other two’s conversation and stop looking at Lexa like she was some kind of creepy stalker. She and Lexa, the only thought of it, was off limits.

 

 

*****

 

 

Lexa undid the knot of her tie with a sigh, sitting on the edge of the large bed of her hotel room, an untouched glass of whiskey in her hand. She had ordered it from room service, convinced it was exactly what she needed to close that exhausting evening, but at that moment she wasn’t sure anymore.

 

Some part of her still felt angry, livid, for what had happened with Cage Wallace The only thought of his filthy hands over Clarke body was enough to make her want to throw up, or even better, throw her glass to his face to rip away his arrogant grin. She breathed deeply again, irritated at herself for being this jealous over Clarke. 

 

She had walked over them because she knew what kind of man Cage was, but a part of her, she admitted reluctantly to herself, had done it out of jealousy. The desire to hold Clarke onto her after had been irresistible, and she had submitted to it like a fool. It was nothing good for her or for Clarke to be dancing together like that.

 

She looked again at her glass, but again, being hungover the day after in front of her employees was no better idea. She placed her glass on the desk in front of her bed and took her phone out. Maybe Anya was still awake.

 

“Lexa! Do you have any idea of what time is it?”

 

“You don’t sound sleepy”

 

“No, well, it’s time for me and Gustus for Netflix and chill.”

 

“I’m not sure I like the fact you use those terms with my cat.”

 

“Oh, you’re just jealous we’re watching Queer Eye without you.”

 

“Anya!”

 

“Don’t worry, it’s an old episode. But more seriously...Why are you calling me at two in the morning?”

 

Lexa breathed deeply “Well, I was about to go to bed and I wanted to have an update on Gus.”

 

There was silence for a moment in the other line “Lexa… We both know it’s not that. Did something happen? Are you okay?”

 

Lexa waited for a second before answering, and Anya read more into than that she could imagine “Is this about Clarke? You told me you had it under control.”

 

“Yeah… I’m not sure Clarke is someone I can have control on… and I’m not even sure I would want that.”

 

“Well you know, that’s kind of a good thing. I’ve never been a fan of your control maniac behavior. It’s good for you to let things go sometimes… to see where they go on their own.”

 

Lexa breathed deeply “I’ve called for you to distract me, not to be reminded of my flaws.”

“Well sis, that’s kind of my job. It’s also my job to tell you that you’re a very thoughtful and wise person when you want to be, and that you don’t really need advice from me right now.”

 

Lexa almost broke down at that moment, hearing how much her sister believed in her when she felt terribly lost. She was really lucky to have Anya in her life, and she probably didn’t show her how much she meant to her.

 

“Anya I…”

 

There was a knocking at the door, and Lexa looked at the clock on the wall in front of the bed. It was almost half past two and Lexa couldn’t think about any reasons someone should be knocking on her hotel door.

 

“Anya, I’m sorry, can I call you back?”

 

Anya chuckled “Call me tomorrow Lexy, someone here actually does need to sleep.”

 

“Sure. Goodnight Anya, and thank you.”

 

Lexa stood up wondering if her phone call was actually so loud to cause some complaining, but she was pretty sure that wasn’t the case. She was right, she realized, looking at Clarke’s back, walking down the hallway. The girl turned towards her, a light redness in her face.

 

“Oh, Lexa… You’re up.”

 

Lexa arched her eyebrow “Well… Maybe someone woke me up knocking at my door.” Clarke made a step towards her, a sorry expression in her yes “Oh I’m sorry… I was stupid, coming here at this hour… I didn’t realize it was so late.”

 

Lexa smiled “I was joking Clarke. I was on the phone, sorry if I made you wait.”

 

Clarke smiled and Lexa knew at that moment that there was something wrong with her, she was weirdly nervous, something she rarely had seen on Clarke before.

“Clarke is everything okay?”

 

Then Lexa seemed to realize what Clarke was there for “Is it for what happened with Cage? Are you still shaken? I assure you he won’t be a trouble for you anymore, he knows I’m not joking and…”

 

“No no Lexa, it’s not for that…” Clarke bit her lips and Lexa tried her best not to look at it, way more confused at that moment than before “Oh… okay. Do you want to come in?”

 

Clarke nodded  and followed her into the room, looking around the room for a moment. “Well…” Clarke played with her hair, avoiding to look at her in the eyes “I just wanted to tell you that I’ve been thinking a lot about… us.”

 

Lexa felt her whole body lighten up at that affirmation, her heart beating almost painfully on her ribcage, she hoped Clarke couldn’t notice the effect that those simple words already had on her.

 

“Clarke… We don’t have to talk about it.” 

 

“I think we do, Lexa.” Clarke looked at her for the first time since she had appeared at her door. “Because it’s making it difficult for me to do… everything else.”

 

Lexa was a little aback by that, but she nodded “I understand… It can’t be easy for you to work with me after what I did and everything that happened. Maybe I can have you transfer in another part of the office if you still want to end your internship… And I can write you a recommendation letter if you prefer to stop, I’m sure we can figure something out…”

 

“Oh, Lexa…” Clarke laughed, shaking her head “I wasn’t talking about that.”

“Then… I don’t understand...”

 

Clarke sighed, a frustrated expression on her face. She walked over to Lexa, making her back away towards the bed until she hit it with the back of her knees. Clarke's lips were just a few centimeters from hers when the girl stopped, looking at her with those astonishing blue eyes that Lexa kept seeing in her dreams.

 

“The problem is Lexa, that I can’t stop thinking about you in the most inappropriate ways.” Lexa wanted to reply, to say something, but her mind seemed to have completely abandoned her.

 

“And I tried everything to stop myself from doing it, but it seemed stronger than me.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes for a moment, and Lexa knew she was probably waiting for her do something, say something.

 

“Earlier in the bar I promised myself I was going to stop with all this… And yet when I tried to fall asleep I realized that if I didn’t tell you this now I probably I would never find the courage again.”

 

Clarke looked at her with a nervous smile “Lexa… Say something, please.” Lexa breathed deeply, inhaling Clarke’s flowery shent, leaning forward to brush her forehead against Clarke’s.

 

“Clarke… I need to know if you’re still angry at me.”

 

Clarke withdrew a little, her lips pressed together, her hands reaching out to touch Lexa’s, intertwining their fingers “I thought I was. Some parts of my mind are still bitter about it. But the more we spend time together, the more I realize that you are so much more than the mistake you made. I don’t want to renounce at everything else for that.”

 

Lexa felt a sparkle of hope surging in her heart, so bright she couldn’t stop the smile that reached her lips. “I’m still your boss Clarke. This is… this isn’t ideal.”

 

Clarke's hands raised to her hips, holding her close, making her skin burn under her clothes. Clarke’s eyes slipped on her lips, and Lexa could read in them the same desire she knew there was in hers. Their noses bumped together and Clarke smiled “It’s definitely not ideal… Lexa…” She held her breath “Lexa, can I kiss you?”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one was a little hard to write, it took me longer than usual to find the words to express what I wanted to say, and I hope it's clear enough to you XD it's also a little bit shorter than what I wanted to at first, but I didn't want to make you wait longer...and I also like to end with a little bit of cliffhanger. As usual, I would love to hear what you think about it, here or on Tumblr (I'm minervamason there too)! I'll see you next time ;)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This time, a little note before the chapter. First of all, sorry for the delay, I wanted to finish this chapter last week but I went to Amsterdam with my girlfriend for the weekend and that got me a little distracted. But this chapter is a little longer than my usuals so I hope it makes up for it! This is a very emotional chapter for me and I realized that even if this story started out from a funny idea I had, it got pretty deep and I hope you are enjoying the emotional road trip the characters are going through, because I certainly am.   
> Also, while writing this I listened on loop at "Light" from Sleeping at Last and "10am Gare du Nord" from Keaton Henson if you are looking for something to listen while reading it. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter and as usual let me know what you think!

Clarke looked at Lexa’s eyes, searching for any signs of uncertainty. She needed to be sure that this was something they both wanted, otherwise that connection they had been able to preserve between them was irreversibly meant to break.

 

Looking into Lexa’s green wide eyes she saw nothing like that, and it was that that finally gave her the courage she needed to step forward and kiss her. The feeling of Lexa’s lips on hers was like nothing she had imagined, and dreamed, so many times and it was also terribly sweeter.

 

Lexa seemed to have understood at that moment that everything was really happening, because Clarke felt her soft hand cupping her neck, caressing her hair holding them closer. In her dreams, their kisses were always more passionate, almost angry, and she realized it was a reflection of her confused feeling for Lexa. 

 

In that very moment, there was nothing confused for her. She was craving Lexa’s touch as she had never desired anything else before. She passed her tongue on Lexa’s lips, earning a soft moan from her while she parted her lips just slightly to give her access.

 

Her hands crawled underneath the hem of Lexa’s shirt, her fingers brushing against the soft skin of her stomach, her tongue exploring Lexa’s mouth, taking the time to savor her taste on her lips. 

 

They separated for a second, both breathing heavily, and Clarke saw a light in Lexa’s eyes that made her shiver. Lexa tugged softly on her hair to make her expose her neck, kissing it with a devotion that Clarke had never seen in her. She closed her eyes, lost in the sensation of her soft lips exploring her body.

 

“You have no idea how many times I thought about this.” She whispered, and Lexa stopped, looking at her with sincere surprise “Did you?”

Clarke nodded, reaching to grab Lexa’s hips, pushing her into the bed. Lexa blushed, and Clarke couldn’t tell if it was for her bold move or onest declaration; anyway, she found it irresistibly cute.

 

She knelt into the bed, hovering over Lexa’s face before kissing her again, feeling Lexa’s strong arm bringing her closer. This kiss was somehow more eager, impatient than the first and Clarke felt her whole body responding to it with painful clarity. She liked what she saw, the sight of Lexa flustered underneath her, her lips swollen from their kisses. It was almost intoxicating seeing her like that.

 

“Clarke…” Lexa raised her hands, tugging Clarke’s t-shirt in a mute request that she was eager to satisfy. She thought in that moment that she was literally in her pajamas, standing on a literal goddess in a suit, but her doubts were abruptly cut off by Lexa’s gaze, in complete awe. In a rush of courage, she undid her bra, avoiding Lexa’s eyes immediately after. 

It was true she liked to be in charge for a change, but that didn’t change the fact that she was in front of Lexa. 

 

She felt a hand held her chin, forcing her eyes to met Lexa’s. When she talked, her voice was no more than a whisper “I wish I could take a picture of you right now…”

Clarke opened her mouth for a second, incapable of formulating a good answer, too many feelings spinning in her head.

 

Lexa closed her eyes and sighed, having misunderstood her silence “Damn, I’m… I’m sorry Clarke, I just meant you look amazing… “ she looked down, her hands sliding away from Clarke. “It came out like I’m a bloody stalker, I’m sorry I ruined it.”

 

Clarke laughed, and Lexa looked at her with confusion “I’m sorry… You are really cute.”

She gave her a quick kiss, holding their body close together “You didn’t ruin anything. It was… it was very sweet what you told me, the way you told me.” 

 

She saw Lexa smile, her eyes still avoiding hers “I’m not good at… expressing what I feel. I just wish you knew…” she didn’t finish, letting her words linger in the air between them, and Clarke simply nodded.

 

“I know that when I’m with you I feel like… You make me feel like I might actually belong in one of your pictures.” Clarke smiled, feeling more comfortable after saying that, watching Lexa being just herself “That’s why it was so damn hard to focus while I was working with you.”

 

Lexa’s smile grew bigger “That explains the results…” Clarke slapped her on the shoulder and she felt Lexa’s arms hold her closer. She held her in a proper hug, resting her head on the curve of her neck.

 

“Clarke… we don’t have to rush into this. I’m not going to change my mind in the morning. I want you.” Clarke felt a shiver running through her body, and nodded.

 

“I want you too Lexa. But…”

Lexa seemed to understand what Clarke meant. Even if her desire for Lexa was undeniable, she was still reluctant to let herself go completely. There was still a voice inside her, that stopped her from letting go completely.

 

Lexa let go of her, sliding towards the edge of the bed, and Clarke moved to sit next to her, recovering her shirt from the floor, blushing slightly.

“I’m sorry Lexa… I thought… I thought I was ready for this.”

Lexa smiled and reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers together “I understand Clarke. This was… was a lot for sure. But I’m glad you came here.”

 

Clarke looked at her, still breathless from before, her hair loose and messy where her hands had touched them “I just hope you didn’t regret that.”

 

Clarke shook her head “No… even if I know I put you in a bad position.”

Lexa grinned  “I prefer this to before. You weren’t the only one that was having a hard time focusing on anything else.”

 

They both laughed, and Clarke felt lighter. she wasn’t sure how Lexa was going to react to her behavior. “I should probably go…”

She raised from the bed, but Lexa didn’t let go of her hand “Or you could stay. I don’t mind” she said, looking away “I would actually prefer that. We don’t have to do anything just...Talk? Sleep?”

 

Clarke looked at the large bed, smiling “I think I could do that.”

 

Being in the bed with Lexa, even if in a completely different way than before, was still making her nervous, and Clarke was finding it hard to recognize herself. It had never been a big deal for her to be intimate with people, even some she had known for less time than Lexa.

 

But there was something entirely different this time, and she felt like she was exploring a completely new territory. Then Lexa came closer to her, reaching out to hold her hand again, and she imposed herself to calm down.

 

It was still Lexa, and she was right there with her. She turned towards her, hugging her. She felt Lexa relaxed sensibly under her hold, while she drew invisible lines on Clarke’s arm with the tips of her fingers.

 

“Should we do the questions game?”

Clarke smiled “Do you have something you need to ask me?”

Lexa stayed in silence for some moments before replying “I know I don’t have any right to know, but… You and Nylah?”

 

Clarke raised her head to watch Lexa in the eyes, but she was looking away, at the other side of the bedroom “Well, that’s a very bold question coming from you.”

Lexa closed her eyes for a second before turning her face towards her “I know… But I think knowing it would help me a little with this whole situation.”

 

Clarke laid again on the bed, breathing deeply “We are friends, nothing more… And this… had nothing to do with that.”

 

She didn’t specify what exactly that was, and Lexa didn’t ask. It was probably better that way. 

 

“My turn. You said you were thinking about me…” Lexa blushed and Clarke felt herself smile at the other woman embarrassment “But what about… before the texts? What did you think about me back then?”

 

Lexa smiled “That you were some kind of spoiled brat.”

Before Clarke could do or say anything about that, Lexa raised her free arm, smiling “I’m joking. I thought you were talented but a little lazy, and I was maybe too harsh on you, because I knew you could give more depth in your articles.”

 

Clarke nodded, getting closer to rest her head close to Lexa’s shoulder, kissing her lightly on her collarbone. She felt Lexa hold back her breath for a second before continuing “I have to admit I had noticed your beauty. But that’s hard not to notice.” Clarke smiled, thinking about the fact she had had the very same thoughts about Lexa. 

 

“But the idea of a version of you other than as my intern had never crossed my mind before you sent me that text... I never asked you, but it was Raven’s fault, wasn’t it?”

 

Clarke smiled “Of course it was her fault.”

 

Lexa turned to face Clarke, a smile hovering over her lips “Maybe I should give her a rise.”

Clarke opened her mouth to reply at that, but Lexa quickly kissed her cheek, stopping her in her track. She moved forwards, kissing Lexa’s lips in a sweet kiss.

 

“I like this.” Lexa whispered when the separated, and Clarke couldn’t agree more. 

“I don’t need to ask what were your thoughts about me before, I think we already exhausted that argument.”

 

Clarke blushed slightly “I’m sorry about that. I was convinced you didn’t care at all. I was wrong.”

Lexa nodded “We were both wrong on that. And I’m glad we found out.”

 

Clarke reached out her hand to caress Lexa’s sharp jawline, the soft hair at the base of her neck, and Lexa closed her eyes leaning on her touch.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so comfortable with anyone in a long time, maybe ever" Lexa said softly before opening her eyes to look at her “It’s honestly terrifying.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, feeling like Lexa has something else to say.

 

“Most of the time I don’t know how to act around you, and it’s… it’s…”

“New.” Clarke finished, expressing some of her own feelings.

Lexa nodded and Clarke continued “You don’t look like someone that gets easily scared by a challenge.”

 

Lexa shook her head, reaching to take Clarke’s hand in hers, kissing her palm, making Clarke heartbeat rise again, more for the intimacy of the gesture than anything else.

 

“Can I ask you a favor?”

Lexa simply nodded, and Clarke felt reassured from the light in her eyes “Tomorrow… Can I change my flight back? I need to stay here a little longer. I promise it won’t be a problem for the article. You’ll have it tomorrow night.”

 

Lexa waited a few seconds, looking in her eyes “Yeah, sure. Just… Text me if you need anything.”

 

Clarke knew that Lexa had understood the reason why she wanted to stay, and knowing she had her back was more reassuring than she had expected.

 

“Thank you.”

Lexa looked down, but Clarke was able to see her smile even in the dim light of the bedroom. 

“Thank you, Clarke. For this.”

  
  
  
  
  


*****

 

 

Clarke looked at the white door of the house in front of her, still undecided. She had been there for a good ten minutes, wondering if it was even worth it. She wasn’t sure her mom was going to be home, she wasn’t sure she wanted her to be.

 

Last night, between Lexa’s warm and strong arms, feeling reassured that the interest she felt was reciprocated, that had seemed like a good idea. Even that morning, waking up to Lexa’s sweet smile and reassuring words, the idea still sounded fairly good.

At that moment, the only thought of affronting a conversation with her mother felt like hell.

 

She raised from the low stone wall she had been seated on for a while, determined to just end it, one way or another. She took a deep breath, thinking about what her mother always said about her, that she was a quitter. She was not going to quit this time.

 

She knocked on the door, her heartbeat loud in her ears, and waited for someone to answer. It was Marcus, her mother’s husband, that answered, a surprised smile on his face when he saw her. “Oh Clarke, it’s so nice to see you. Your mother told me you couldn’t make it!”

 

She left out the fact that her mother was the reason she didn’t want to make it, hugging briefly Marcus as he held his arms out for her. He had always been kind with her, even when Clarke, already a wild teenager herself, had despised him for replacing her father.

 

“Aden! Look who’s here!”

 

Aden, hers eight years old brother, came running down the stairs with a wide smile on his face when he saw her, and Clarke’s heart broke a little. She wasn’t around much, and even if she knew Aden loved it when she was at home, she couldn’t make herself go more often. It was just too miserable for her to face her mother every time, and she preferred to avoid the whole family instead.

 

“Clarke! You’re here!! I have so many things to show you, I’ve made a model airplane with Dad! Do you want to help me finish it? Or I could show you my medals, I won the spelling tournament at school and…”

 

He continued talking, and Clarke exchanged an affectionate smile with Marcus, who was watching him beaming with joy.

“You can go with him if you want, your mom should be home soon.”

 

Clarke nodded “Of course she’s working…”

Marcus shook his head, looking at his phone “No, she went to buy some grocery for dinner. She almost doesn’t work anymore on Sundays.”

Clarke felt a fit of jealousy that she couldn’t ignore, even if she knew wasn’t fair. Her mother was always away when she needed her, when she was like Aden, young and in desperate need of attention.

She swallowed her feeling, following her brother in his room, and listened to his extravagant stories of how he and his friends had discovered a rock at school that was possibly a dinosaur fossil. 

 

Aden was taller than she remembered, and she thought it had been more than six months since the last time she had been there. It had been just before starting her new job, right after taking her degree and she had been full of joy for the path she was about to begin. 

It had also been the day she and her mother had fought so much she had stormed out of the house without saying goodbye to anyone.

 

“How is your work at the newspaper?” Aden asked her out of the blue, tearing her attention away from the comics he had just shown her.

“It’s going very well, thank you.” Clarke said, confused on how he possibly knew she was working in a newspaper when she had barely told her mother.

 

“I think you’re an amazing writer sis. I like your articles even if I don’t always understand everything…”

He smiled and for a moment Clarke was at loss of words “You… You read my articles?”

He nodded, starting to reorganize the comics he had taken from his bookshelf

“Mom always reads your articles out loud after dinner. Sometimes she makes me read them too for exercise…” he rolled his eyes “But there are some words I don’t really understand…”

 

He looked away, almost shy for the first time since he had seen her “I think I want to be a writer when I’m an adult, just like you” he looked at her again, his smile back like nothing had happened “But I want to write cool stories, not articles. Sorry.”

 

She just smiled, not trusting her voice at that moment. She had no idea her mother actually ever read what she wrote, and for sure she wasn’t expecting her to talk about it with her brother.

 

“Aden has also written an essay about you for school. Maybe he can read it out loud for us after lunch if you want to stop by.” 

Her mother voice made her turn immediately, surprised to see her at the doorstep with an affectionate look on her face.

 

She raised from Aden’s bed, fixing mechanically her shirt in a nervous movement “Hi mom. I’m sorry for the surprise, I wasn’t sure I could make it.”

 

They both knew it wasn’t true, but Abby just nodded “You want to come downstairs? I think you and I need to talk.”

She didn’t wait for Clarke to answer before returning down the stairs, and Aden looked at her with a worried gaze “Someone is in troubles…”

 

Clarke reached out to mess up his blonde hair before following her mother, an anxious feeling in her guts that she couldn’t send away.

 

Abby was waiting for her in the kitchen, a glass of iced tea already waiting for her, and Clarke sipped it greedily, happy to have something to do with her hands.

 

“Clarke…” her mother smiled and Clarke couldn’t help but noticed she was somehow different from how she remembered her. How, she couldn’t exactly say.

 

“I’m really glad you came. I wasn’t sure after… our last call.”

Clarke felt some of the other night’s anger still lingering in her mind, the burn of her mother’s words still fresh in her memory.

 

“You don’t make it exactly easy for me to come… You know it.”

 

Abby nodded, her lips tightened in a straight line “I know, but you don’t really listen to me and...”

 

“I don’t listen, mom?” Clarke’s voice grew slightly “Are you sure I am the problem here?”

She saw it coming. That was not going to be any different from any other conversations with her mom. Only that this time she was not going to run. 

 

Abby raised her hand, a worried furrow in her forehead “Wait Clarke… Please, I don’t want to argue with you, not again. I really missed you, and… I… I’m sorry.”

 

Clarke stopped then, actually surprised to hear her mother say that out loud, as it was a particularly rare event. 

“The other night when I called you… I was angry because you didn’t tell me you were coming here. I said things I didn’t mean, out of spite. I should have done better.”

 

Clarke nodded, her anger still raging inside her “This is not only about the other night mom. You know that perfectly well. You can’t just think that reading my articles and an apology now can make up for years of you telling me I am not good enough!”

 

Abby shocked her head “I never told you that.”

“Not with those exact word maybe, but the concept was very clear. You were pushing so hard for me to drop my courses… You wanted me to go back to med school even though you knew perfectly well how miserable I was during it.”

 

Clarke stopped, looking at her mother in the eyes for the first time in months “Do you have any idea how it feels like when the only person that you have left does not believe in your dreams? In what you want to be? Because I can assure you, that changed me. What you did change me. And not for the best.”

 

It was her mother’s turn to divert her gaze, her hands trembling lightly on her glass. Clarke felt like a huge void inside her where all those words, all those feelings, had been just a moment before, kept prisoners inside her soul for years. She felt lighter, freer that she had been in years.

 

“I thought…” her mother tried to say, her voice heavier than usual, “I thought… After your dad died… I was in pain.” She looked at her, eyes bright and full of sadness. The only mention of her dad made her feel incredibly sad too, even more, because her mother never really talked about him.

 

“I was in so much pain that I couldn’t really handle being there for you. I was barely able to pull myself together, and I did it by work till numbness. It was the only way I knew to bear the grief. And I left you alone… When you needed me more.”

 

Clarke felt herself tremble, she had never seen her mother being so open with her, so honest about her feeling.

 

“And after that, when I was finally over it, when I tried to reach out for you again… you were gone. It was almost like there was a wall between us, a wall that I built myself with my absence and my silence.” Her mother breathed deeply, almost sighed “I can’t blame you for that, because you learned to go on without me. You were just a kid and yet you were already a woman, so strong, so independent. I thought you didn’t need me anymore. And I was wrong, again.”

 

“Every time I tried to talk to you, you were angry, or busy, or far away in your mind. And again, it wasn’t your fault, but I was still mad at you, as if I were a teenager myself. I was angry at you for deciding to grow up without me, when the fault was mine. And you were rebellious, and you did everything just to infuriate me, and the more you pushed the more I did too and it made almost impossible for us to communicate. It still is…”

 

Clarke looked down at her glass, her eyes full of tears she didn’t want to drop. There was so much truth in her mother’s words, and yet it hurts to know that she had done nothing to change how things were between them.

 

“When you drop out of med school, I thought it was yet again a way to make me pay for my behavior, a personal attack. And I was afraid, so afraid that you were going to throw your future away just out of spite for me. And yet I couldn’t communicate that to you in the right way, and it just sounded like I wanted to decide your own way… I didn’t understand back then how important it was for you to choose your way.”

 

“You know it was the other way around, right?” Clarke told her, her voice soars with emotions “I went to med school for you. because I thought that finally you were going to be proud of me for something. I tried so hard… And I felt so terrible when I couldn’t make it.

 

Her mother nodded, a lonely tear on her cheek “Now I know. Back then… I was blind. It took me years to realize that you had already made your choice. That again you had been more mature than me. When I started to read your articles Clarke… There is so much passion in what you do, so much of yourself. I’m so ashamed I didn’t see it before. And I’m so sorry for being such a terrible mother to you.”

 

Clarke felt her heart break listening to her mother voice, so broken, so full of regrets. A part of her just wanted to reach out, to hug her and told her it was okay, but it wasn’t so easy. She wasn’t okay, not just yet.

 

“Thank you for telling me this mom. I really needed it.” She cleaned her face with the back of her hand, trying to still her voice “But you know it’s going to take more than this. I need time.”

 

Her mother did the same movement, and that reminded Clarke once again how much they were similar. That, and their stubborn character didn’t help at all their relationship.

 

“Yes, of course. I just hope you won’t be a stranger anymore. Aden adores you and I don’t want you two to lose your relationship because of me. I promise I’m going to be better if you can give me another chance.”

 

Clarke breathed deeply, knowing that was the first step. Not for her mother, but for herself.

“What about we settle for lunch this time? We’ll see what comes next.”

 

Her mother nodded and reached out for a gentle touch to Clarke’s upper arm, and Clarke waited just a moment before loosening up. She was going to be okay.

 

Only much later, after eating more food than she had seen in her all these months as an intern and listening to countless stories from Aden, Clarke finally had the time to look at her phone. The first message she found was Lexa’s, and she couldn’t help but smile when she opened it.

 

 

_ Clarke, I hope you are okay.  _

_ I thought about you all the way back home _

_ I was wondering… Would you like to go on a date with me? _

_ I enclose a picture of Gustus sleeping to increase the chance of a positive answer. _

 

 

She didn’t even have the time to consider how much happy Lexa’s question made her that she read the second message, this time from Raven.

 

**_Clarke Griffin where the hell are you and why did I see you sneaking out of Miss Woods bedroom this morning???_ **

**_We need to talk._ **


	12. Chapter 12

Raven looked at her with wide eyes, a shocked expression on her face.

 

“Are you telling me that Miss Woods pretended to be Nyilah this whole time?”

 

Clarke looked at her, then at Octavia, that was right beside them “Well not this whole time… Not since that night at the disco… When I invited Nyilah out, do you remember?”

 

Raven blinked “But… it’s been more than a month! And you didn’t tell me anything?”

Clarke sighed “Raven…”

“But you told Octavia! I can’t believe it Clarke…”

“Raven, I told her because I needed a bit of advice, and you were too involved. And we both know you would have done something stupid.”

 

Raven nodded “Of course I would, and I’m still going to. Who does she think she is, treating you that way?"

 

Octavia reached out to touch Raven’s arm, squeezing it slightly “You know she did the right thing not telling you Raven… You know we love you, but you tend to be a little impulsive.”

 

Clarke tried to smile, but Raven looked still very pissed off.

“I’m really sorry Raven, but I didn’t want you to get into trouble because of me. I know how much you care about finishing this year… And don’t worry about Lexa, I already talked with her… She explained to me why she did it…”

 

“And you decided it was alright to sleep with her anyway? Because she explained herself?”

 

Octavia moved her gaze to Raven from Clarke, a shocked look in her face “Clarke, you did what? You told me you were keeping it professional.”

 

Clarke raised her hand, tired of that whole discourse “We didn’t sleep together. And anyway it’s kind of a personal topic.”

“It’s totally my business if it’s your article that’s going to be on the first page tomorrow and not mine.”

 

Clarke looked back at Raven, a little shocked by her statement “You can’t really think that about me…”

Raven looked at her for a few seconds before shaking her head “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But can you really be sure that whatever there is between you and Lexa isn’t going to influence her decision on it… Or any other work matters from now on?”

 

Clarke hadn’t honestly thought about it too much but, at that moment, talking to Raven, she understood it could be a problem for her friend “Lexa is extremely professional… She won’t put something in her newspaper just because I wrote it.”

 

Raven shrugged “I’m not sure I trust her capacity of being professional after everything you told me.”

“Then trust me.” Clarke hoped with all her heart that Raven could do that. She didn’t want to ruin their friendship for that after everything they’ve been through.

 

Raven just nodded, staying in silence for a long moment. It was Octavia then that looked at her, the expression a little confused.

“So if you didn’t sleep with her… What happened?”

 

Clarke felt butterflies in her stomach thinking back about that night, and she tried not to smile when she spoke: “We kissed…”

Octavia just nodded, while Raven whistle, seemed to have returned again to her old self “I have to admit I almost admire you, you teamed the beast.”

 

Clarke shook her head “I did nothing at all. It’s her… it’s so hard for me to stay focused on anything else when she’s around. She is so nice, funny and shy…”

 

“Wait, are we talking about the same person? Miss Woods? The Commander?”

Clarke nodded “I know, but she’s a completely different person out of the office. It got me so confused… I still am, that’s why I didn’t… Well, we didn’t do anything more. I want to take it slow.”

 

“That sounds like a good choice to me. Never do things you’re not sure about, especially when it’s so complicated.”

That was a euphemism, Clarke thought.

 

Octavia smiled “But I don’t even have to ask you if you like her to know the answer, you’re basically glowing only talking about her.”

 

Clarke blushed, incapable of hiding her feelings “I do. And not only physically as I thought before, even if that still pretty much there. And it’s scary because the fact that she seemed to be able to hide so well her feelings make me doubts about this whole thing.”

 

Raven laughed “Not to talk about the whole catfish thing… And she’s still going to get the girl. That woman is a genius.”

 

Clarke thought about how shy and clumsy Lexa could be with her, the whole opposite of the idea that Raven had in mind at that moment probably “I’m not sure where we are headed. But I’m sure I want to do things with calm, even if I seemed to forget it when she’s with me.”

 

Octavia’s look was still serious, and Clarke wondered if she was going to lecture her about the whole thing; she was pretty sure her friend didn’t approve her choices at all.

 

“So what’s next? What are you going to do?”

 

“She asked me out. Like, a proper date. It’s Saturday afternoon so I have almost another week to go completely crazy over it.”

 

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she knew it had to be Lexa, probably asking how the whole thing went with Raven. She had called on her way back home to explain her the situation, and she had been quite stressed over the whole thing. Clarke honestly couldn’t blame her.

 

_ Is everything okay? I hope Raven isn’t mad at you. _

_ Or should I say too mad, since I know her a little? _

 

 

“Oh my God, you’re smiling like a teenager at her first crush. This is bad.”

“Raven, let people enjoy things.”

Clarke tried to ignore them, lost in the feeling of warmth spreading in her chest. She was indeed feeling like a foolish girl right at that moment, being so happy for a considerate message, but she couldn’t help it.

 

“Can I tell her you’re good?” Clarke glanced at Raven, who rolled her eyes. 

“I guess, if she really isn’t going to take a side between us and our works. And if she promises to never hurt you again. Because if she tries again I’m not going to let it go this time.”

 

Clarke reached out, squeezing her arm lightly “Thank you, Raven. I’m still sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

Raven shook her head “I honestly should have seen it coming. You two were eye fucking the whole time at the gala ball.”

 

Clarke blushed “That’s totally not true!”

“Of course it was. And before, on the plane, you were so weird!” A light of realization appeared on her face “Were you kissing on the plane?”

 

Octavia laughed at her flustered face, but Clarke really felt relieved. She had been really scared about Raven’s reaction, and at the idea of losing their friendship over the whole thing.

 

“To be honest Raven, this is kind of your fault…” Clarke pointed at her phone “It’s you that gave me her number.”

Raven smiled “I’m pretty sure it was thanks to me, not my fault. Remember to thank me at the wedding!”

 

Clarke snorted “Talking about weddings, we have one here that is much closer, and we’ve been some awful maids of honor…”

 

Raven and Octavia started talking about the preparations for the wedding, and Clarke was glad she had some time to reply to Lexa’s text. She wasn’t going to admit it to herself so easily, but she kind of missed her.

 

**Don’t worry, she took it quite well. She’s only a little concerned for her article, and I can’t really blame her.**

 

_ Of course. I already made arrangement this morning for the board to decide which article to choose for the first page. It didn’t seem right for me to do it after everything that happened. _

_ They decided to put both of them by the way, they said it would be better to show both sides of the running. _

 

**OMG, why didn’t you tell me before?**

**We’re going on the first page!!!**

**Raven is going to go crazy.**

**Can I tell her, right?**

 

_ I didn’t want you to know before her, but since you’re together... _

_ You both did a good job by the way, it was going to be a hard choice for me too. _

 

**You can tell me mine was better, don’t worry.**

**I won’t brag with Raven… too much.**

 

_ … _

 

**I kind of start thinking you only kissed me to avoid making that decision.**

 

_ Hey, you kissed me! _

_ I’m so glad you did by the way. _

 

**Are you now?**

 

“Hey, earth to Clarke. Stop sexting with the boss, we have a bachelorette party to organize!”

Clarke blushed, putting away her phone “Raven, I have something to tell you…”

 

 

*****

  
  


Lexa sipped her dark coffee, an inevitable expression of disgust in her face. She totally had to do something about the office supplies, because that black broth was a nightmare. She usually never took coffee in the little common room of their floor, but this time it was an emergency.

 

The fault, of course, was Clarke’s. Because she was everything she could think about at any moment of the day and apparently, of the night. After sleeping with Clarke by her side, her arms around her body, sleeping alone didn’t seem a great option anymore.

 

Lexa had never been one for cuddles of pleasantries, never feeling comfortable enough with anyone to actually let herself go in that way. But now that she had a taste of it, she was craving for more. More of Clarke’s touch and the feeling of her skin on hers and her eyes and…

 

“Good morning Lexa!”

She almost spat her coffee. Almost.

She turned, trying to not let her heart race too much at Clarke’s view.  The blond girl blushed lightly, fixing a lock of her hair.

 

“I mean, Miss Woods… It’s weird to see you here.”

“At work?” Lexa smirked, trying to keep some control over herself.

“Here, in this room. I’m pretty sure I never saw you drinking commoners coffee.” 

“And you probably will never see me again here…” she pointed at the coffee in her hand, frowning.  Clarke laughed at her expression, and Lexa felt like it could’ve taken just that, Clark’s smile, to make every day worth being lived. She wondered for a second when and how that sort of feeling, so powerful and overbearing, had started to grow into her.

 

“Yeah, coffee it’s really horrible here. Someone should tell it the boss.”

Lexa smiled “I’m sure she is going to do something about it, she’s extremely concerned about her employees.”

Clarke nodded, an almost serious expression on her face “Should I suggest her a Starbucks daily supplies?”

Lexa shook her head “I’m pretty sure that would be a little too much, even for an amazing person such as she is.” 

 

Clarke just smiled then, looking at her shoes for a long moment before speaking “Well since coffee is so disappointing here, maybe we could go take it somewhere else later. For lunch… If you want.”

 

Lexa felt herself smiling before she could help it, a warmth in her chest she didn’t remember feeling in a very long time “Clarke… I have a lot of work to do. With Washington and all, I got really behind…”

 

Clarke moved towards her, her bring eyes lingering on her face, a playful smile on her lips, as she had already understood how Lexa words were pointless when it was almost impossible for her to deny something to her.

 

“Only half an hour…” she reached out to touch Lexa’s hand lightly “I’d really love to spend some time with you.”

 

Lexa felt her skin burn where Clarke was touching her, her brain only partially recording that part of her mind that begged that they were still in the office. There was a note of danger in all of that that didn’t help the situation at all.

 

Fortunately, the door opened before she could do anything incredibly stupid, and Clarke stepped away from her as quickly as she could, blushing slightly.

Ironically, it was Niylah at the door, watching them with a confused expression. 

 

“So Miss Griffin, I’m still waiting for that report.” She recovered quickly, trying to sound as cold as she could “I want it on my desk for the end of the day.” She turned to leave, before remembering how Clarke had told her Niylah was kind of terrified by her.

 

“And good job with the first page of today, miss Green.” Niylah was staring at her like a deer hit by a car’s headlight, surprise written all over her face “Oh, I… thank you Miss Woods.”

Lexa left, not before giving a last look at Clarke, that was looking at her with a soft smile Lexa didn’t really know how to interpret.

 

 

*****

 

 

“So how was Washington? Everything went well?”

 

Anya was scratching Gustus’s head, spread on Lexa’s couch, a glass of wine in her hand. Lexa nodded absently, too focused on her phone to explain further.

 

_ I’m sorry for today, I didn’t have the time to come talk with you after. _

 

Anya looked at her suspiciously, raising an eyebrow “Are you sure? You seem… weird. Weirder than usual.”

“Yeah well… Busy day at work.” Lexa hoped with all her heart Clarke didn’t think she wanted to refuse her.

 

**Hey, don’t worry, I saw you were in a meeting.**

**You almost gave Niylah a heart attack today btw.**

**She was super happy.**

 

Lexa smiled, without noticing her sister weird look.

“So… Nothing new with Clarke?”

 

_ Well, she did indeed a good job. I probably don’t tell her that often. _

 

**Let’s say never :P**

**But I’m glad you did, even if she interrupted us.**

 

“Lexa… Can you put away your phone for like a second and listen to me? I feel like the mother of a millennial here.”

“Mmh mmh” Lexa nodded, too busy answering Clarke.

 

_ About that… I’m not sure I have time for coffee these next few days, but maybe we could see each others Wednesday instead of Saturday? _

_ If you’re free of course. _

_ I really want to spend time with you too. _

 

“Oh my God, you’re dating Clarke! I knew something was off!”

Anya, who had magically teleported from the couch to behind her back, took the phone away from her hands.

 

“Anya… Anya, give it back!”

She reached out, but Anya was already behind the kitchen counter, reading her texts.

 

“I really want to spend time with you Clarke…” she tried to mimic her voice, failing miserably “Anya you’re not funny, you know I hate when you behave like this.”

Anya laughed “You don’t get to do the mature one after I read these texts, I’m sorry. And after you didn’t tell me anything about this!”

 

Lexa shook her head “I was about too.”

“Liar. So? What happened?”

Lexa blushed, knowing extremely well Anya wasn’t going to let it go without an answer.

 

“We kissed…”

Anya smirked “Yessss. I was rooting for you all this time Lexa, I knew you could do it!”

“Actually, she was the one that kissed me. I would have never dared after… After everything.”

Her sister nodded, her phone still sealed in her hand “Yeah, I guess it's for the best. So how was the kiss?”

 

Lexa snorted “I’m not going to tell you about it!” 

“Okay okay, you’re really mean to your poor, single sister. Was it good at least?”

Lexa nodded “It was… it was amazing.”

Anya rolled her eyes “Okay well, and then what happened?”

 

“We slept together.”

“Wow well, that was fast! Clarke really has game.” 

Lexa blushed even more “No, not like that. We just talk and slept. But it was… it was very nice.”

 

Anya chuckled “I bet it was. You’re giggling like a teenager.”

Lexa passed her hand on her hair, feeling like an idiot “I know. But she really makes me feel like… Like I’ve never felt before.”

 

Anya smirked turned into a softer smile “I can see, and I have to tell you, I like this new look on you.”

 

Lexa stayed in silence for a moment, simply smiling.

“So… That means Clarke forgave you?”

 

“I think she did. But I also think she needs time, and I get that. We can go slow.”

Anya nodded “Even if she just said it’s okay for her to anticipate your date.”

“She said yes?” Lexa felt her heart flutter slightly. 

 

She watched her sister fidget over the phone “Of course Lexa, I can’t wait to see you.” Anya read the message, mimicking Clarke’s manners.

“You’re actually better imitating her than me.”  

“Ah ah. I’m happy for you sis.” Anya passed her the phone; squeezing her shoulder for a second with a smile “But this time you better tell me everything. And you better behave with Clarke, I really like her.”

 

“Of course.” Lexa smiled. She liked Clarke too, maybe too much for her own sake.

 

She opened her phone, wanting to read again Clarke’s text.

**Of course Lexa, I can’t wait to see you.**

_ Yay Clarke! _

_ Lexa is literally giggling right now. _

_ Wait, I’ll show you _

_ (oh this is Anya btw, totally on board with this ship). _

 

There was a picture of her, grinning like an idiot “Anya, you’re dead. Gustus, bite your aunt.”

Anya scratched the head of the innocuous cat, smiling “You’re going to thank me soon.”

 

**Thank you, Anya.**

**Isn’t she the cutest?**

 

Okay, maybe she wasn’t going to kill Anya after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So, this chapter was supposed to be the date chapter, but I kind of got lost writing other stuff and well, in the end I decided to post it like that, so the date is going to be in the next one. I also don't usually upload chapter at this time of the day but I'm going to see Florence and The Machine tonight (yay) and I won't be able to upload it later. I hope you liked the chapter, as usual let me know what you think about it, here or on Tumblr. I'll see you next time!


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